FINAL HURRAH

It is officially the last day of 2005. If the rest of my years fly by as quick as this one has, I'll actually be able to watch the wrinkles on my face forming as I'm putting the lid back on my moisturizer. SLOW DOWN. I have too much to do here.

As I look back on 2005, for the most part, it has been a relatively good year. I had some health problems that were kind of scary from June through September which took a pretty big chunk out of an otherwise enjoyable summer. Turned out to be nothing serious though, so that was a good thing. My granddaughter was born in the Spring which caused everything to come up roses and was the best thing to happen this year. I have made some wonderful friends, at work and here. I think I'm actually beginning to appreciate the concept of maturity- it seems to be giving me opportunites to grow and test the proverbial waters in some new areas. I have grown more comfortable with me, more forgiving (of myself) and have learned that just relaxing and enjoying the moment is the best way to be for me. Quitting smoking is an accomplishment that I'm proud of and that makes me respect me more. My job has taken some interesting turns, some expected, some not. But I will do what is expected of me and if it works out, fine. If not I will look at other options. I have found other ways, outside of my job, to find enjoyment and contentment. If I can find that at work also, that would be great. This year I have learned some valuable lessons. Lessons about relying on yourself ultimately, lessons about appreciating what you have and how quickly that can change and that material things are just that. I have learned not to put all of your eggs in one basket. If something seems too good, it probly isn't true. I guess some things became cliches for a reason, I just never took too many of them seriously.

In the year to come, I plan to: Exercise (dance) more. Eat a little more healthy. Learn to say "no" once in awhile, kindly. Spend more time doing fun things. Saving more, spending less. Learn to operate a simple ipOd. Grow older gracefullier. Learn to use bullets, which would have come in real handy right about a minute ago.

STHTTMMS: Visiting a friend today in the neighborhood where I lived when my kids were

tiny, I drove past our old house. The hill behind it was covered in snow. I remembered bundling the kids up in snowsuits and boots and hats and gloves and scarves to take them out in the snow. Little kids are so cute with their cheeks and noses all red and their eyes and smiles so shiny! We always had hot cocoa when we would go in afterward to get warm.

GSL: Fought off temptation to cite Auld Lang Syne, just about my least favorite song ever. Not to mention Copa Cabana, Tie a Yellow Ribbon, I Touch Myself and a few others...

Have a Happy, Healthy New Year full of Love and Good Surprises :-)

LEFT OF THE DIAL

I'll probly post again later for real. Just felt the need to get on here and bitch since I can't smoke and feel better. Couldn't sleep last night, was up till almost 3 am. I (thought I) had downloaded music onto my ipOd and I guess I didn't. That or I can't find the volume button and the tunes are on there, I just can't hear them. That, or I got defective earphones. That, or I've simply gone deaf. That, or I'm just a complete techno-moron.

THINGS

Okay, it's like this. I am not a material girl. It is not necessary for me to have "things" to feel worthwhile and fulfilled. I know very well that we come into this world empty-handed and there isn't anything that I've accumulated here in this life in a material sense that I'll be totin' along with me wherever I go from here. I have stuff, sure. My music is more important to me than it should be. My photos are dear to me and irreplaceable. Things my kids and grandchild have made for me are precious. My husband (who I am growing weary of referring to as my hub/hubby/husband and will unveil his new title in a post very soon.) and I had accumulated a mind-boggling collection of "things" with which to furnish our dream house during our 10-plus years of engagement. (A story for another day.) Yes, that is a long time to collect. And the cool thing is, that when we found our dream house, which we live in now, there seemed to be all the perfect places to utilize and display our treasures. For the most part. And as a result, there is a rather eclectic theme running through our home. We have lived here for going on 9 years and we have yet to decide on a "style" and decorate our livingroom accordingly. It is just kind of a mix of whatever. At one point almost all of the wood at least matched. Then we found an entertainment center we liked a lot and said the heck with continuity. I'm going to give our decorating style a name. Hand-me-down Wall-to-wall. The ceiling fan and the entertainment center are our very own picked-out and paid-for "things". The recliner was a wedding gift, the couch and chair and one end table belonged to my sister. The rest of the tables belonged to the hub's grandparents. Lamps- who knows? I don't know where I'm going with this but I wanted to establish (And tell me if you think I've fallen short...) that "things" are incidental for/to me and that would pave the way for me to tell you all the great Christmas gifts I received without sounding shallow and as if I missed the true meaning of the holiday. It is nearly over and I didn't want the opportunity to pass. And then of course, so that I don't seem overly obsessed with posessions (mine) I would ask you, Reader, to tell me what Santa left under your tree...

It would go something like this- and I swear to God, I have in my attic, letters to and from dear 12-year-old friends dated probably December 27, 1968 that said as follows: Dear So and So, Blah, blah, blah. What did you get for Christmas? I got blah blah blah. I wore my new blah blah today and Rick smiled at me. I hope he is in my art class next semester. Please write back soon.

You had those letters too, you threw yours away. I'm not attached to "things" at all. ;-)

How about you just tell me what you got. You can leave out the sox and underwear please.

THE LEDGE

... with my back up against the wall was where I felt like I was trapped about 10 o'clock this morning. My husband convinced me that I needed to find a new bank. He was right, as usual. Why I picked today to attempt that feat is a mystery that I'm still trying to unravel. The endeavor entailed opening a new checking, as well as savings, account. Some other things needed transferring and this involved way too much paperwork, too many numbers, an enormous list of questions to be answered and no, I have never been incarcerated nor convicted of any crime, thank you. Not yet, anyway, dammit. So what we were looking at, as I said was oodles of numbers, questions, signatures, dollar signs and do you know, not one holy drop of nicotine, the one element necessary for all the rest of that crap to mean beans to me. I am an abstract thinker; tangibles and absolutes confuse and befuddle me. I probably told you this already. Numbers piss me off. Calculators are cold, metal devils. Give me an abacus anytime. They are more tactile, even pretty. I made one with my dad in third grade. We used my mother's pearls for the beads on the coat hanger rods that were soldered into a beautiful cherry picture frame. It was an effin', useful, counting piece of art. The Chinese would have been proud.

Not to change the subject, but the Chinese reference reminded me of this- I intend to study and learn the art of Mian Xiang, the ancient art of face-reading. Doesn't that sound cool? Soon as I find a certain book... I'm sure this will change my life ;-)

Back to this morning. By the time I got out of that bank, I was ready to crawl out of my skin. I tried to keep my sense of humor, which put me way out in front of the banker lady. Don't get me wrong, she was nice. Just not ha- ha nice. At one point I asked her if I would be receiving a toaster for all the paperwork I was generating all over her desk. "Um, no, I'm afraid not," she informed me frowning, like I was really expecting a toaster for crying outloud. My husband suggested maybe they could offer a lollipop as an incentive. She seemed relieved that maybe I would be pacified with that little gem. Anyway, my whole point is that you need to add "Opening a New Bank Account" to your list of things never to do the same week that you attempt to quit smoking. It is way too stressful. On top of visiting your doctor for a check-up and finding out that you have already gained 5 pounds since your last cigarette. Which was only 5 days ago. Do the math. But, on a lighter (haha) note, my dr. said my lungs sound terrific. Yay for that.

The rest of my day was good. My record store, sadly, is closing tomorrow. (Joe, Rick said to say hey and his wife gave him a trip to Ireland for Christmas and he is thrilled.) So I took advantage of the sale there and picked up some New Pornographers, Mark Knopfler, a Springsteen concert dvd and a few soundtracks I've had my eye on. This might be the end of my cd buying; I plan on filling up my new pod with downloads a-plenty. I always wanted to say "a-plenty", it sounds so hokey and wrong, like "beverage" and "out-of-doors". Makes me laugh.

I'm sure I had lots to tell you but tomorrow is another day.

STHTTMML: Don't ask me why we were talking about having to resort to eating one's pets to stay alive, but in the midst of this conversation between my spouse and I, he mentioned the necessity for owning a large dog (which we neither own a large nor a small dog) at which point I pointed out that yes, having to dine on a chihauhua (how do you spell that???) would be like eating chicken wings. I would have to insist on celery and bleu cheese to get filled up. Please, animal lovers, neither my husband nor I, in ANY way would advocate the ingestion of any pet, and most likely, NOT EVEN in a dire situation.

GSL: "I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand/ Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain." Werewolves of London, Warren Zevon

BORING ENORMOUS

Contrary to the title here, I was not bored for an instant today. I did nothing and maybe even less. What would have been boring would be hanging out with me today. I was online pretty much all day. Learned that I can't download for shit. None of you Readers would believe how bumblingly inept I am in this chair at this keyboard. I get this fantastic little piece of hardware that rhymes with "myGod" that can be filled to the brim with tunes for my listening pleasure. I've had it for as many days as I have not smoked. And it is as empty as my ashtray. I may have to appeal to a higher court (my husband) for help. Asking for help, though, is as difficult for me as, well... Let's just say I would rather saw off my foot.

Where is everybody today? You all better have excellent excuses for leaving me all alone on a day off with nothing to do. I realize that was my choice to slack all day but I thought I would find fellow slackers here. Let me know how you spent your day at least.

STHTTMML: Watched "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" today. When Jane mistakenly stabs John in the thigh with a knife in the midst of a huge bullet-fest with a whole army of assassins, he gives her "the look" and through clenched teeth snarls, "We will discuss this later."

GSL: "Sloopy, hang on." My theme song for today.

HAPPY TOWN

Yessirree, this is my happy place. I woke up today at 8am, sans alarm. How great is that. I leisurely sauntered downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee- at an acceptable pace, not sopping water all over the counter and running into the stove door handle because I was not in a rush. Normally at that point I would make my way to the basement for my day's first smoke. While I did feel a tug (medium strong) in that direction, instead I thought to myself, "Hmmm, I have a free day to myself to fill as I please. What shall I do first?" As my brain is not accustomed to working in slow-mo at this time of day (except of course when I am at work...), it took me just a little while to process my choices and make a decision. I decided to come online and see how many times I could be "first commenter" on my daily reads. A small thrill, but a thrill nonetheless. Once I start the new job, which entails a ridiculous amount of overtime hours, I may never have the chance to read before evening. I will be sleeping in on all my days off I'm guessing. Crap, I wasn't going to think about that. So I'll quit.

JuJu and I didn't get a chance to sit down for my blogging lesson. I was all ready to post pictures, use bullets, use links in my text, all kinds of cool stuff. But alas, it appears that I shall be an amateur blogger for a time longer. I'm halfway intelligent, I suppose I could figure some of that out on my own, but I am not inclined to blindly attempt to go where I've not ventured before, especially where technology is involved. That's just asking for trouble for me.

I am going to go begin my day now. I have about 47 things I would like to accomplish today. Of course in a leisurely manner, unrushed and without the benefit of nicotine. My Happy Town.

STHTTMML: Was IM-ing with JuJu late last night. She had read my post about the dead inflatables and was like, "Mom! That's what they do when they're not on! They're supposed to look like that!" I'll be darned ;-)

GSL: "Oh, I just died in your arms tonight It must have been some kind of kiss." from (I Just) Died in Your Arms by Cutting Crew 1987

MORE CIGARETTES

Don't get your bloomers in a wringer, I didn't lapse. It's just that I was perusing a long, long list of Paul Westerberg song titles, came across this one and decided to use it now since I should have no good reason to use it in the future. See how optimistic I am?

Speaking of Paul W., have I mentioned that my wonderful husband (who, for some reason, loves me beyond all reasonable comprehension) gave me for Christmas, an autographed copy of Paul's 14 Songs book/cd set? I thought I was going to have an out-of-body experience! I probably resembled some of those 14-year old hysterical girls in the audience on the Ed Sullivan Show when the Beatles first appeared. One of the coolest gifts I ever got.

I spent the afternoon with my son. (Who is, in fact a smoker and I just realized this minute that he refrained from lighting up the entire time we were together. Thank you!) I had a delightful time as he is one of the most intelligent and funny people I know. But I forgot to discuss with him this most disturbing thing that happened to me en route to his house...

It was horrendous. A virtual massacre. I'm sure you are familiar with the huge inflatable decorations that people insist on parking in their front yards this time of year. You will see cartoon characters, traditional Christmas characters, snowmen; you name it. There is one particular house a mile or so from mine which proudly (?) displayed about 12 of these decorations. That is, until, WHATEVER (and I hate to think of the size and magnitude of this killer) annihilated each and every character. It was horrible to see each of these once-smiling, vibrant, holiday-celebrating inflatables lying in heaps all over the yard. It looked like the aftermath of a field operation gone bad. The casualties, I'm sure had been lying there for hours and I hate to think of the trauma experienced by many other motorists besides myself. Maybe I was more upset, being deep in the throes of withdrawal, I don't know. But I hate to think of any small children witnessing such a morbid sight, especially this time of year. So please, if your yard should be struck by one of these heartless, ruthless killers, at least have the decency to bury the "dead" or at least drag them around to the back of the house where poor innocent little children won't be forced to witness such senseless inflaticide.

Actually though, it was kind of funny. And oh-so-colorful.

No good song lyrics today. Maybe tomorrow. Stay tuned.

UNSATISFIED

Imagine that feeling of being unsatisfied. Sometimes you feel it after a meal when the food was just not quite filling. Some times you feel it after a movie you had looked forward to watching, only to find that the ending could have been way, way better. You might feel it when you get your Christmas bonus and find that they've taken taxes out and left you with a fraction of your original prize. Maybe, just maybe, every few years or so, you might have a sexual interlude that didn't quite set off the fireworks you're used to. Maybe the steamer thing you ordered from the in-home shopping network doesn't quite sanitize all the tools in your garage (and the neighbors') in the way you'd hoped, Chris. Anyway, you're familiar with the feeling. Now multiply that feeling by a gazillion and imagine having it every waking hour of your day. I have not had a cigarette for almost 61 hours. Very shortly I plan to have mind-blowing sex with a huge chocolate bar drenched in peanut butter and Drambuie on a beach in the South of France until I can't see straight. If that doesn't work, I'm in bigger trouble than I originally anticipated.

Disclaimer: In my present state of mind, I am not responsible for and/or have absolutely no control over my thoughts, actions or opinions stated here or tattooed on my forehead , or plastered on the telephone pole standing outside my house.

ANOTHER GIRL, ANOTHER PLANET

Who could have known to write a song about me and what I would feel like after almost 41 hours without smoking a cigarette? I would trade places with a chick on Mars right about now. The cravings aren't as often but when they come they're almost unbearable. The last couple I had this afternoon actually gave me a lump in my throat and I thought I would cry. I keep catching myself thinking that pretty soon I will sit down and enjoy a smoke. Halfway through that thought I realize it's not possible and this heavy feeling of pure sadness comes over me. I don't mean to sound so dramatic, I just need to write this down to help me deal. I've always been this way. I have stacks of journals that I've kept all through my life and I've always used my writing to get me through the hard things as well as the good. One of my favorite gifts this year was given me by my little sister. It is a rather large, hard-bound book called My Life with page after page of questions and subjects to write about. I'm very anxious to get started writing in it. I have often wished that older aunts or grandmothers had kept journals and diaries that I could read now. I would be fascinated. I also want to have something to hand down to JuJu and her kids so they have some idea of their heritage. Before my father died I talked to him for hours about his childhood, school memories and family history. I did the same with his brother who died a few years after my father. He actually kept memoirs and I am the happy keeper of those. There are additional journals that he left for me that I need to get.

Some of my best gifts this year were moments shared. Having my kids and grandkids here was my absolute best gift. I feel bad that I wasn't at my best for them but they haven't complained and seem very concerned about how I'm feeling. I swear having them here has made a big difference in how I'm handling not smoking. They have been great distractions. JuJu was even willing to accompany me to the grocery when I was feeling weak and didn't trust myself to walk past an outdoor ashtray. I actually had a moment of strength and told her I would be ok without her. Wouldn't you know, when I did walk past the ashtray, there was an entire cigarette laying there burning. What a temptation that was. A couple of things happened that completely took my mind off the cigarette that I can share with you. Both of them fall under the category of STHTTMMS. First was a sign on the public bulletin board in the store advertising a home-remodelling company that said in big letters, "WELL HUNG DRYWALL". I realized a woman behind me had read it the same time I did and when I smiled at her, she commented, " I may have to give them a call." What a slut. ;-)

As I was standing in the checkout line, an attractive gentleman in front of me turned to me and smiled. I realized that it was a local celebrity from our town who had moved to Nashville to record and must have been home for the Holiday. We talked a bit, including a conversation about not smoking as he had purchased 4 packs of cigarettes. He told me that he had tried to quit over Thanksgiving using a patch and all that happened was that he got hooked on the patches. His career is going well, he intimated and if you know anything about Country Music, you might be impressed with his recent collaboration with Gretchen What's-her-name. I'm not a fan but if you are, you would know who I mean. So that was an interesting part of my day.

Today is a down day, I'm just lazing around, JuJu and kids are visiting, hubby is sleeping off a bad night's sleep and Mr. JuJu is catching up on some office work here. Strangely quiet here. But not in a bad way.

My sleep has been strange the past few nights, don't know whether to attribute it to the nicotine withdrawal or something else. I have woken several times and been completely disoriented, not realizing where I am, what day it is or where I am supposed to be. I get kind of panicky until I realize that I am supposed to be in my bed sleeping and not somewhere else. Makes for some disruptive sleeping. Could be the alcohol too. I'm not what you would call a regular drinker and what I've consumed over the past few days would probably qualify as excessive for me. As would be the amount of food I've stuffed into my face... I've always thought I could use a few more pounds. We shall see. If JuJu will show me how to post photos, Maybe I will post a "before" picture and then let you see me and laugh your heads off in a few months.

Started to watch "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" last night but fell asleep before the end. Can't say if I liked it or not. Will let you know when I finish it.

Have a good night.

JINGLE (PART DEUX)

Can't eat any more, shouldn't drink any more and if I have any more coffee, I'll be up all night. Lord, what I wouldn't trade for a cigarette right now. I'm starting to rationalize. I'm to the point now that all of World Hunger would end and we would have a cure for AIDS if I could only have a cigarette. I know one thing, I'm going to bed. The little black creatures seem to be gone and I need to give my nerve endings a rest. Thank every one of you who has offered support and prayers. I mailed you J., it came back. Surprise.

STHTTMMS: My granddaughter offered me her binky. Talk about unconditional Love.

GSL: "(Weird when you get close to something that BIG you can't see anything at all.)" from "butterflies" by toad the wet sprocket

JINGLE

(The only Replacements song title left that I could find that had anything at all to do with Christmas...)

I'm only posting tonight to pacify my friend Tammy who claims to be going through "withdrawl" since no one is posting.

I had a really really wonderful time the last couple of days. I enjoyed almost all of my family, the food was terrific, mostly everybody was happy and the weather couldn't have been much uglier. All in all I had a good holiday. I got a ridiculous number of really awesome gifts which I don't even remotely deserve. I think everyone enjoyed their gifts. I turned SNL on Christmas Eve and the Catholic Mass was being broadcast and I sat there and pretended I was at church. Far cry from my original intention but it felt good.

I am now a little over 20 hours smoke- free. I have experienced the weirdest array of emotions today. Probly the longest time I have actually not thought of smoking may have been about 15 minutes at the very most. It seems like the more I try not to think of smoking, I just end up obsessed with the idea of lighting a cigarette. And the teeniest little things will set me off. You're going to laugh, because I'm going to sound all paranoid but, can you hallucinate when you are getting off nicotine, etc? I'm sitting here typing and I keep seeing little black things out of the corner of my eye scurrying across the desk. I think I'll quit now, it's freaking me out. I'll come back later and finish. After I gorge my face with junk and have a few more drinks and maybe a coffee. I'm doing fine. Jeff, how are you? I wish I had started quitting the same day you did. Going to go get a fly swatter now, I'll be back. Twitch, twitch.

CAN'T HARDLY WAIT

If you ever saw Paul Westerberg's performance of this song on SNL (circa 1987) you never would forget it, absolutely cool. One of the Replacement's best, definitely in my top three favorites.

But anyway, hey. If you're reading this, you need to get your butt over here and help me. I'll get everything done, don't worry. So what, I'll forego the sleeping. Sleeping is overrated anyway. Not.

I really can't wait for tomorrow. I must have never grown up. Big surprise to those of you who know me, huh.

Ok, wish me luck, decided to have my last cigarette before bed tomorrow night.

Merry Christmas to all - and to all, a Good Night.

TWO DAYS 'TIL TOMORROW

... is the answer to the question, "Wink, what is your most wished-for-to-come-true fantasy, right this very minute?" I'm in the middle of gift wrapping. This is just about my most favoritest part of pre-holiday preparation. I have no clue when or where or, in some cases, why I bought all the gifts I did. I swear I must have been on drugs on a shopping trip or two, since I'm finding things I don't recall purchasing. I'm starting to wonder if I have a shop-lifting alter-ego. That can't be, I have receipts to prove otherwise. I must have found some really enticing sales which would explain why I bought three of two different items...

(it is becoming more apparent daily that we need to purchase another computer- not that that would happen, of course, but these on-line shopping snooze bid reminder things keep popping up in the corner and are starting to piss me off. I hear this ridiculous boing sound and look up and the whole last sentence I typed isn't there but the hubby needs to raise his bid on that dvd I never heard of...)

Anyway, back to the wrapping. I have to keep stopping to go look for the appropriate-sized box or to go get another cd or to refill my drink or to answer the phone or to see why the neighbor's dog is barking or whatever. No, I don't. I'm lying. I have to keep getting up because my legs fall asleep every ten minutes. Don'tcha know the only effective, efficient way to wrap Christmas gifts is to spread everything out in piles all over the biggest chunk of floor space you can find. If you're lucky you won't kneel on the tape dispenser. That hurts like a bitch.

I seem to have inherited my daughter's penchant for bad language when I'm posting. Funny how that generational thing works backwards in our family... I got all her bad habits ;-) Oh, and before I forget, Thank You JuJu for installing the link in yesterday's post to my newly non-smoking mentor, Jeff A.'s site. People might be tricked into believing that I actually know what I'm doing here. Yippee for Jeff!

My brain is getting over-stimulated and I'm having trouble managing complete thoughts. Being that there is, in actuality, only one day (not even!) 'til tomorrow, Christmas Eve, I'm thinking I should close and allow you all to get back to your own Holiday Readiness Drills. Since you may not read here tomorrow, allow me to leave you with this thought:

I wish you all the most wonderful, blessed Christmas full of good cheer and happy times.

STHTTMMS: I received a beautiful note from Mike wishing me a Merry Christmas that is going in a Keepers folder :-) Merry Christmas to you, my Friend.

GSL: All the words to "The Little Drummer Boy", including pa-rum-pa-pum-pum.

MERRY GO ROUND

...perfectly describes my life theses days, and probly yours too. Fine with me though, I thrive on chaos. Anything is better than SOS. Today was a really good day, all around. I am still knee-deep (or maybe shoulder-deep is a better description) in lists of things to do before Saturday but this is fun. People who are cranky most of the rest of the year are all happy. And even though the hypocrisy of that would make me nuts if I had time to think about it, I'm just along for the ride. Never could handle cranky people anyway. Enjoy it while you can, I always say. I am, however, a little concerned about the husband. The cranky is more pronounced today. Hopefully he'll snap out of it.

Randomness: We gotta pull together and wish Jeff A. good luck in his non-smoking endeavor. It's not a fun place to be and I feel for him. I plan to be in the same state over the weekend. I'm mentally preparing for it and hoping all the Holiday Hoopla will keep my mind occupied and my hands and mouth too busy to notice the shaking and sweating of withdrawal. Wish me luck too. If you are so inclined, prayers for strength and fortitude would be appreciated on both our parts.

It's 9:09 pm and I have not yet had dinner but that's ok because I got a good haircut and all my grocery shopping completed. The dam liquor store was closed but I have room for one more errand on tomorrow's list.

Got'sta (how would you spell it?) run but will be back tomorrow. Next week I will have time to write novellas and you'll wish I was this busy again...

STHTTMMS: The sunset tonight was breathtaking. Did you see it Tammy? I thought of you. At one point it was all lavender and aqua and pink and within the next ten minutes it was red and orange and purple. Vivid. That kind of thing just makes me all humble and happy.

GSL: "And when I'm returning from so far away, She gives me some sweet lovin', brightens up my day. Yes it makes me righteous, it makes me whole. Yes it makes me mellow down to my soul." Crazy Love by Van Morrison

MAKING ME GO

My schedule today is making it el necessario to write quick.

Want to congratulate my All-Time Greatest Idol Bono on his Time Man of the Year award. So very deserving... Kudos to the Gateses too, although, if I were a selfish woman I would prefer to see Bono on the cover exclusively. If I were.

Had a great post to share last night (when I had time) but my server was being a bitch and wouldn't let me on here.

So, Readers (the optimistic "s") I will leave you with this one thought for today and I'll be back tomorrow. Three-and-a-half More Shopping Days. Three and one half. That's correct. One, two, three, and a HALF. Git 'er Done.

GARY'S GOT A BONER

Ahem. Yeah, it's a Replacement's song. It's also a vain attempt at "boosting my ratings", so to speak. I know you're all busy this week, but if I can sit my ass down to share my soul with you, the least you can do it stop by, dammit. Yeah, I'm a sell-out. I've compromised my morality and am risking being: a) flagged by blogspot and b)lectured by my husband and c)scorned by my peers for lowering my standards in the name of Increasing My Readership. While I'm at it, and since it's probly too late to redeem myself now, might as well write something trashy. Might just hold your interest the whole way through the post...

Let's share. Tell me something that "inspires" you about the opposite sex. Or in your case, Jeff A., women. ;-) Please, keep it PG-13, nothing that I really don't care to know about. I will give an example or two and then trust you all to play fair.

I am "inspired" by watching a man shave. Something about the way he lathers on the shaving cream, how careful he is with the razor. All the strange contortions of his mouth... I like to watch him concentrate in the mirror, oblivious to me being inspired by him. The way he lifts his chin and turns his head from side to side, oooh. Chills...

A man shifting gears while driving a stick inspires me. Especially wearing sunglasses. Gotta have the right music for this to be totally inspirational.

Sometimes my husband will be relaxing in a chair with a book. He sits with one ankle propped on the other knee, elbow on the arm of the chair. He looks all intense with his reading glasses and I, I, well, I get inspired.

A man holding a baby inspires me too, but in a different kind of way.

Ok, so maybe that wasn't your version of "trashy", mine neither. Course, the comments could change that. I'm holding my breath.

STHTTMMS: Shopping at the mall today, hub and I stopped for a bit to watch some little kids visit Santa. The looks on their faces were priceless. If you ever find yourself with time to kill at a mall at Christmas, I recommend hanging out near Santa. Also I found the best record store there. Will probly be my new haunt.

GSL: "I could never take a chance of losing love to find romance" A Man and A Woman, U2

TIME IS KILLING US

Wow, today is a slow day in my Blogworld. None of my regular reads are posting, nobody is commenting here, everybody must be busy. I'm guessing it's that time factor, or rather the lack thereof. I'm keenly aware lately of how precious mine (time) is and how hard it is to function within its boundaries. A person can only accomplish so many tasks in a day. I was never good with deadlines (one, of many, reason(s) I am not enjoying a fruitful career in "my field" which is graphic art). At this point in my Holiday preparations, I'm facing a multitude of deadlines in a day's time. Making me just a teensy bit loony, which I didn't want to happen. I haven't folded yet, refuse to. I'll stay up all nite if I hafta'. Dammit.

I called a friend this evening to offer my condolences, her nephew is the young man who was killed a few days ago. I am friends with the entire family but closest to her. We have not had TIME the past couple of years to get together nearly as often as I would like. And now here is this tragedy that forced me to make the time to sit down and contact her. If I could do it now, what stops me from picking up the phone more often? That bugs the hell outta me. She's a dear, dear friend and I think about her so often. We have different schedules, I guess; there are times that I think to call her and I'll look at the clock and it might be too late to call. There is always (what seems to be) a reason. I am going to work on that in the New Year, keeping in touch. I have invited her to read here, so at least we will have more contact. Won't be the same as in person, but who has TIME? Arrgh!

So many times I look at Rude Cactus and think, My gawd, where does he find enough hours in a day to accomplish all that he does? The Great Mystery of Life...

There's a song that Collective Soul does, called "Slow". I've been listening to it a lot lately. The chorus says "Slow, slow down, Boy, slow down to control." I'm wondering how you do that when time just keeps ticking and ticking away.

Well, I haven't solved a dam thing here, just kind of whined on and on. Somebody stop me! I never intended My Blog, my long-awaited, dream-come-true blog to be a bloody Whine-fest. Funny thing is, I always feel better when I'm finished posting. I worry about you, though...

SFTTMML: You need to go up there and click on Jazzy's site, Shooter's Station, and look at the picture she posted on Tue, Dec. 13th. LMAO

GSL: "I cupped my hands around you and I swore you would fly, My tears fell through the dirt as I heaved you to the sky." from "Darlin' One", the Replacements.

PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Brad Pitt. Come and get your present. Oh, I meant cake.

SOMETIMES

Sometimes... I like to be by myself. Sometimes I need it, just because. When you're alone, you don't have to be "on"; you can think about one thing for as long as you like or need to, no interruptions. You can crank the stereo, sing (badly) if you want, dance to your heart's content. You can look like hell, you can scratch whatever needs scratched. You can burp. You can drink the last of the OJ out of the carton. You can even drink that last bit of milk out of the cereal bowl. You can leave the bathroom door open. You don't have to make the bed. If the dirty laundry doesn't quite hit the hamper, oh well. No need to be considerate. No need to feel like you should make conversation. Leave the cupboard door open, don't push in your chair. Get up when you damn well feel like it and stay up all night. Don't answer the phone OR the door.

Gee, I haven't been alone for a very long time. I think though, that maybe that's a good thing. I would be a virtual slob...

Had a very fruitful shopping trip tonight. And it was completely pleasant and unstressed. Hubby and I had a lovely dinner beforehand and there was no rushing or forehead-rubbing involved. (When I get overwhelmed or tense, I rub my forehead. Sometimes it's a wonder I have any skin left there.) We had a very nice evening. Bonus was that the store we shopped in was open til 11pm and by 10, there were hardly any other shoppers.

One more shopping outing and I believe my holiday purchasing will be complete. Then I can start wrapping gifts which is one of my favorite holiday chores. I admit though, I'm anal about my wrapping. My son can never understand this. I guess it is really dumb when you think about it, it just ends up in the trash in the end. But they look so pretty for a little bit...

I got way off track, was going to write about things I like to do, but only sometimes. Sometimes I like to take long, leisurely bubble baths. Sometimes I like to eat breakfast for dinner; you know, like pancakes or eggs and whatever. Tell me this. I grew up eating waffles and gravy (in another part of the state) and now I can't find anyone around here who ever heard of it, let alone tried it. It's so good! Please tell me someone out there has enjoyed wolfing down a big plate of waffles covered in gravy. I prefer ham gravy but chicken is good too. Anyone???

Sometimes I like to just get in the car and put in some good music and drive. I never do, so I guess I should have said I would like to. I really love my car and the stereo is killer. If I had time and cash to blow on gas, I would do it. And you couldn't stop me.

Sometimes I wait until too late at night to post and I can't concentrate and my mind tends to wander. Sometimes I think that is a good time to quit.

STHTTMML: Shopping tonight, my husband was looking for a certain kind of decoration to hang between the windows in the dining room. (We were in the store that sells all the Martha S. stupid crap.) We met up after a time and I asked him if he found anything to hang... He interrupted me before I finished my sentence by saying, "Yeah, Martha."

GSL: "The last time I saw Elvis he was riding in a pink Cadillac. The wind was blowing through his hair and he never did look back." "He Was King", Neil Young.

SHUT UP

Today was a much better day, thanks. Although! I'm learning some things about me.
Mainly this. In an upsetting or stressful situation, I'm better at dealing with it by internalizing. At work, everyone is buzzing about all these changes happening and I just want to say "For gawdsake, just STFU and move on!" In case I made that up, it's "Shut the Heck Up". I can't see how fretting and speculating and going on and on about something we have no control over is going to make anything any better. But I realize that in just about any situation, "they" do their thing and I do mine. I could never understand how some people can survive a workplace setting by running off at the mouth over every little thing, day after day. I have good relationships with 90% of the people I work with and I attribute much of that to the fact that I spend a lot of time keeping my mouth shut. People I care about confide in me and it stays with me. If I feel strongly about something, I will share that with my "close group" and appreciate that they respect that. If something affects me directly, I consider it my business and if it doesn't, I don't let it concern me.
There seems to be this huge "overlap factor" which people get sucked into; those issues that get passed from one uninvolved party to another. Before you know it, a whole group is all hissed up over something that doesn't even concern them. That riles me up. It's just so much easier to worry about one's self and let everyone else do the same. I'm tempted about once a month to shut myself up in my little studio and print up a shirt to wear to work. I believe the last one I threatened to make was going to say "Do You Mind? I'm trying to live my (one and only) life here."
I think this month's shirt just might say STFU!!!

Oh my, there's a bit of an attitude in today's post. But I let it out and I feel better. Thanks for listenin'.

After the Holiday winds down I plan to add some more music news and/or trivia to my entries. It's a passion of mine and I had intended to write way more music-related stuff when I started out and just haven't had the time to do much more than whine since the onset. I happened to notice on my calendar that tomorrow is the 4-year anniversary of the death of Stuart Adamson of the band Big Country, a favorite of mine. I will be listening to "In a Big Country" tomorrow in his honor.

STHTTMMS: Ever see the commercial on TV for an insurance company where a sister and her younger brother, who has Downe's Syndrome are having breakfast? She's reading the paper and he tosses some Cereal-O's at her? It's cute and I think it's cool that they are including handicapped people in their advertising. The commercial has
a nice message too. (If you trust insurance companies).

GSL: "Out on the road today I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. A little voice inside my head said 'Don't look back, you can never look back.'" from Boys of Summer (Hurry Summer!) by Don Henley.

WHAT A DAY (FOR A NIGHT)

If tomorrow was Saturday, I would not be sitting here. I think I would very well be out tying on a tight one. (I think I just made up that phrase, did you ever hear it before? I think I like it. I like to make up words, someday I'll do a post all about the words I've made up. I see that you are looking forward to that.) For you see Reader, today was not a good day for me. I haven't had a day like this in such a long time, I'm not sure what to do with it. I will tell you briefly why my day was straight out of the toilet- or in it, you pick. But I'm not going to dwell on it, I have better things to do.

Besides the little incidental things like driving home in freezing rain and not being able to visit a funeral home to offer condolences to a friend due to the threat of even worse weather, I found out today that in about one month, my job will no longer be. I like my job. I work with people I like and am happy with things just the way they are. It's not that I won't have a job, I just won't have my job. Two departments are closing so that another can expand. That's all I'm going to say about that right now. I am going to enjoy the hell out of this job while I still can.
Should prove beneficial for production. I'm doing really well cutting back smoking, I hope this doesn't set me back.

I'm skipping the smile/laugh thing today, just too tired to think any more.
Ditto on the song lyrics.

I don't expect any comments, this post wasn't worth the time you took to read it. I'll make it up to you, I promise.

PINE BOX

Get the box ready, I have been a very bad girl and by the time you read this I will be in the throes of hell, a crispy critter. But at least I'll be warm...
You see, I went Christmas shopping today after work. With all intentions of at least nearly completing my list. I know you're saying, yeah right, we know better. The think is, my favorite record store in the whole world is going out of business.
(Thanks a lot WallyWorld, you suck.) I am devastated. Not only it it necessary for me to buy all the music I can at 30% off, I need to make sure that my favorite record store owner, Rick, can deplete his stock and insure himself a nice retirement. So the logical thing for me to do was to just run in and look around and finish my shopping afterward. I was only in there a bit over an hour. So I think it's pretty cool to get 17 cds and a VHS tape for $40.29, don't you??? The grandkids won't miss a couple extra presents under the tree at Nana's. They're young. I don't feel any guiltier than you would... Not much, anyway.

The party at work today was a lot of fun. (Don't you think, Tammy?) I only snorted twice, I think. Yes, I snort when I laugh too hard. (I guess that's better than peeing your pants.) And leaving work early is always a bonus.

I had some more things to tell you but I need to go pack. Not a lot, I hear it's quite hot in hell.

STHTTMML: I was dressed up for the party today, had on a skirt and boots, boots that I don't wear often. I backed out of the driveway, put the car in drive and accelerated. Nothing. The car sat there. Ok, I thought I accelerated. Apparently,
I thought my foot was on the gas but I guess the heel of my boot was on the floor and I don't know where the rest of my foot was, but- Oh, never mind. I'm such a ditz sometimes.

GSL: Fa la la la la, la la la la.

BREATHE SOME NEW LIFE

In case you, Reader, are starting to think about making some New Year's resolutions, here is something I came across that you may want to consider before tackling any new "life changes":

"I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed
to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more
time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into
a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves."
-Thoreau

Isn't it crazy how we are slaves to routine? I spend a ridiculous amount of time changing things in my daily life to avoid just that. I will drive a new way to work, park somewhere different, a hundred different things in a day. It's a weird personality quirk I have but you would be surprised what a difference it makes in your life. You see new things and meet new people every day. Nothing makes me quite as crazy as predictible, same-old same-old. I don't even button a shirt from top to bottom, I have to mix up the order. There are down-sides, let me tell you. I can never find my shoes. My date book looks like a third grader's. Sometimes I get lost but it's usually an adventure getting there. And when people think you're nutso (which is how I'm sure I appear at times), they tend to give you a wide berth...

We are having our Christmas party at work tomorrow afternoon. The extent of my preparation so far is having painted my nails Red-Red. Now must go throw together an ensemble worthy of Red-Red.

STHTTMML: I listen to music constantly at work. So as not to annoy co-workers, we wear headphones. Today I was enjoying ZZ Top, cranked pretty high. I was starting to feel crampy from sitting at my desk and simultaneously slid back my chair and broke into a full-body stretch- which would have been quite gratifying, had I not pulled the headphone jack out of my cd player and blasted the whole room with a spine-jarring chorus of "Every girls crazy 'bout a Sharp-Dressed Man"!

GSL: "Baby slow down. The end is not as fun as the start. Please stay a child somewhere in your heart. From "Original of the Species" by U2

UNTITLED

Must give credit where credit is due. Yesterday's post title, "Fast and Hard" is a Tommy Stinson song from "Bash and Pop". He, like Paul Westerberg, is a former member of The Replacements. Highly recommended by me also.

Since I'm rushed (again) I have decided in lieu of a time-consuming original post, I am going to resort to, of all things, thievery and steal a meme from Mr. R. Cactus. I'm positive he won't mind. I don't want to spoil my readers. BTW, Mike, am I using the word "rush" enough for you? (Too bad I don't know how to make your name blue so everybody can click on it and see what you're all aboot). On to the meme:

Seven things I hope to do before I die:
1. Learn to speak French fluently.
2. Paint a masterpiece.
3. Figure myself out.
4. Meet my great-grandchildren.
5. Find that there is a cure for Meniere's Disease.
6. Quit smoking
7. Visit Paris (2nd choice, Las Vegas).

Seven things I cannot do:
1. Get through a day without music.
2. Watch reality TV or much TV at all.
3. A cartwheel, never could.
4. Remember shit.
5. Accept limitations
6. Balance a chemical equation.
7. Eat a Sloppy Joe without mayonnaise.

Seven things that attracted me to my spouse:
1. Washboard Abs (then)
2. Great eyes (still)
3. Such a Gentleman with great respect for women (still)
4. Gap between his front teeth (still)
5. Generosity (still)
6. Broad Shoulders (still)
7. Extraordinarily ethical and moral (still)

Seven things I say often:
1. "Cool." (translation- That is so cool!!!)
2. "Bless your heart." (trans.- That was so sweet, thank you!)
3. "Re-e-e-a-lly?." (trans.- How stupid do I look?)
4. "C'mere." (trans.- Come closer so I can kiss/slap/lecture/whatever you.)
5. "Hey." (trans.- Hello, Hi.)
6. "How YOU doin'?" (trans.- I'm pretending I'm from Brooklyn and I would like to know how you feel today.)
7. "What the ....???" (trans.- What in the name of Zeus is that idiot Dubya up to now???)

Enought of that. I must go to bed now.

STHTTMML: A friend at work was pretending to be Amish and ended up sounding Japanese instead. You had to be there.

GSL: "We watch the world from the padded cell And our eyes scream what our lips must quell." from "We'll Inherit the Earth" by The Replacements.

FAST AND HARD

For all you gutterbrains, this post is about today's precipitation accumulation. It's freakin' snowing again, snowing fast and snowing hard. Wasn't supposed to but it's laying on the ground and my car needs cleaned off yet again. Note to self: Get the damgarage cleaned out and put the damcar in it, dammit.

Today is one of those days where I'm rushing around in 27 directions and accomplishing nothing but running into myself. Soon I may start making a list of New Year's resolutions and number one might have to be "Get Organized." A close second needs to be "Stop Procrastinating". I think my list is going to be a long one this year.

Got about half of my cards written and addressed. That's a load off.

Remembered to watch Shakira on SNL. Put my hip out... Nah, just kidding. Although my right eyebrow is higher today for some reason...

Still trying to rent March of the Penguins at the video store but everytime I go, there's not a copy on the shelf. Anyone seen this?

Found out there's a shop in Pittsburgh that sells clothing for you AND your pets so that you can be totally coordinated. I'm guessing tho', that when they commit you, there could be a teeny bit of confusion as to whether you get treatment from a veterinarian or a regular psychiatrist. Either way, it's just wrong.

Must go get dolled up for a party. Wish me a good time. Never mind, I'm the driver.

STHTTMMS: Hmmmm, may have to get back to you on that.

GSL: "The Delta moon is a lantern over you, like a porch light hung in forever. It will be left on because we're always going home And we'll meet up again on a great gulf wind." from Great Gulf Wind by Sonny Landreth.

THINGS

Just random thoughts tonight, I'm whacked out from all this holiday preparation and I doubt if I could carry one thought through a whole post even if I had a pretty red and green basket to carry it in...

Still having an email problem, don't think I'm ignoring all my mail.

JoJo, I hope your Grandma is much better today.

Rude Cactus, my BlogIdol, commented on my blog! Did you all see??? That was so gratifying, I had to go smoke a cigarette afterward ;-)

I found The Best, yummiest candle ever. It's Oatmeal Raisin Cookie made by lamplightfarms.com. All my favorite people are getting one for Christmas.

JuJu called me from the concert last night. Was cool. She called me this morning with details. Make sure you read her next week for her report. Sounded great.

I got 10 Christmas cards written today, only 53 more to do. Yeah, I'm a freak about cards. I can't just sign our names, I have to write newsy notes. Every year I try to pare down my list and I can't get below 63. That's not counting special people at work. Looks like I won't be sending email greetings this year to my new online friends if I don't get my mail fixed.

Thanks to my wonderful, handsome, organized, talented husband, my tree is up and the lights are on it. The mantle is decorated. He did that while I was posting last night. Would have taken me 4 hours. Anyway, Thank you!

Shakira is the musical guest on SNL tonight. I'm not a fan of her music but think I will check it out just to see if I can hurt myself trying to dance like her.

On my Profile Page where my favorite music is listed, I keep typing in U2 and it won't come up. Maybe I will try You Too or something like that. How about Thou Also. Or Y'all Dos. Ewe Deux?

I can't get italics to work, can't find bullets, am afraid to try to post a picture. I guess all these issues will have to wait until JuJu comes for Christmas so she can straighten me out. Thanks for bearing with me.

STHTTMML (S is for Smile; L is for Laugh): I don't walk up and down stairs. I run. Today I was running up the basement stairs with a mug of coffee and my shoe caught on the carpet on the top step. The coffee went up the wall, down the wall, all over the landing and what was left in the mug, found it's way up my nose. Yes, that's what I said. The husband opened the basement door to see what caused all that racket and why I was laughing. He just looked at me, shook his head and handed me a roll of paper towels.

GSL: "'Cause in my head there's a Greyhound station where I send my thoughts to far-off destinations, so they may have a chance of finding a place where they're far more suited than here." from "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie.

TALENT SHOW

The weekend is finally here. Let's have a little fun. A lot would be better, but I'm being realistic.

I'm about to divulge a few bits of what could be more than you bargained for. But hey, we're all adults here and nobody twisted your arm to come here. (Or is that how JuJu got you to come over???)

Here's how this little game works. I will tell you as many of my weird little talents that I can think of and when you're done scrunching up your face or snickering or whatever, you can share yours with me (and the world). K? K.

1) I can say the alphabet backwards. Fast. So can every other member of my family. It's a prerequisite if you're considering marrying-in, so be warned.

2) I can cross one eye. Either eye. You can too, it just takes an ungodly amount of concentration.

3) I can write backwards. Totally useless talent; unless of course, you're a Bond Girl on an undercover mission in a country where English is a secondary language (and therefore undistinguishable backwards), which is why I learned to do it...

4) I can sign my name backwards and upside-down (simultaneously!). In cursive, no less. This one I think is the most impressive. And was hardest to perfect.

5) Just once, I tied a knot in a cherry stem using only my mouth.

6) I seem to have a knack for doing something perfectly the very first time I try. (but rarely again after that.) The first time I shot pool, I picked up a cue stick and shot the ball in the corner pocket. The second time, I hit the ball off the table. Third time, broke the light over the table.

7) I also have a talent for saying the absolute wrong thing at the wrong time but luckily that doesn't happen terribly often. It's a common talent, no?

So it's your turn now. My "impressed" quotient is a little low today, blame it on the snowfall :-P

STHTTMMS: While shovelling snow off my front steps tonight, I heaved one big shovel-full over the bannister and let go with one hand. The momentum knocked me off balance and I came very close to ending up head first in a huge pile of snow. Not as funny as it would have been, but it make me snicker.

Good song lyrics I heard today (GSLIHT?) "You don't need to ask directions if you lose your mind..."

23 YEARS AGO

Before I lose the attention of the young ladies (and Jeff A.!) who have come over from JuJubee's site, I'd like to pass on a few things I've learned that I wish I had known better when I was your age...

Twenty three years ago, JuJu was 4 1/2 years old and her brother was 6. And I was... oh yeah, I was 23 ;-) JuJu at that age was running around the house playing with the dog and Barbies. The dog was most likely in a shopping cart dressed as a baby. She (JuJu) was probably wearing "jellies"- shoes and bracelets. She wore jellies twelve months out of the year. Her brother was probably reading the sports page in the recliner, his favorite after-school activity at that age. God knows what I was doing. But you can probably bet it wasn't baking cookies and polishing the silver. (Not that kind of mom). I was likely on the phone making plans for the PTA.

Anyway, I must impart to the young Mommies reading; those babies grow up so fast and before you know it you're planning activities for the next time the grandkids visit. I'm serious as a heart attack, no winking involved.

I'm sure there are times you feel like you are tethered to a play pen or bogged under by a monumental stack of spit-up-stained onesies. That you would trade your favorite pair of jeans (that still fit) for a babysitter for just one hour. Your spine now is permanently curved to the left from balancing a child on your right hip who screams the loudest when you're on the phone with the hot water tank repairman. These are the good times.

Memorize the look on that baby's face as he or she gazes up into your eyes while downing a bottle. Memorize the glee on that child's face as he or she splashes half the water out of the tub onto the bathroom floor. Memorize the peace on the face of that sleeping child and the smell of milk on their breath. It's all so fleeting. Before you know it it will be 2028.

Hope you took time today to remember the legacy John Lennon left for us 25 years ago.

STHTTMMS- Just up there when I thought of my kids, small again. Would go back there in a minute...

I'VE GOT A PROBLEM

Well, actually, two. One, I'm rushed like crazy today and don't have much to say let alone time to write it. Bear with me, it's the holiday season, dammit. More importantly, problem number two, which has me all pissy. Last night I spent about an hour thoughtfully writing responses to all you Wonderful Readers who left comments (which were great). Each message was heartfelt and personal. Before I even finished them all, they started coming back in my hotmail as undeliverable or whatever that is. Not only was I mad that I spent all that time, but I was thinking my Readers would think I was heartless. I'm not! I cared! Anyway, thank you all and keep reading, it makes me smile like crazy. I can't promise I'll always respond, due to time issues mostly. And technical problems. And the fact that I don't have the luxury of going to work every morning to sit down in front of a computer and screw off for a couple hours. (Nothing personal, you know who you are.)
Ok, I'm jealous. Anyway...

I'm thinking of adding a new feature. At the end of every post I will share with you a part of my day that made me smile. I will call it "Something That Happened To Me Today That Made Me Smile" or STHTMTTMMS.

STHTMTTMMS- Coming home from work, BOB FM played "La Grange". Long live ZZ Top. Hawrl. Hawrl. Hawrl. :-)

ONE WINK...

I guess maybe before any more time passes, I should explain my choice for my Blog title. But first, I want to say this: I am blown away by what I found today when I clicked on my site meter! Holy Toledo! I only "announced" myself this weekend and if word of mouth (thanks Ju!) is this powerful, I'm choosing a cause to promote because I think we can change the world! I'm learning that there are tons of lurkers, cuz I didn't get a whole lot of comments. Maybe I need to write something controversial... Nah, if you know me at all you know I'm not that kind of girl ;-)

Anyway, my title. If you've read me up to this point, you know I'm a fanatical Replacements fan. My favorite song on the first album I listened to (All Shook Down) was called One Wink At A Time. It was beyond catchy, the lyrics are funny and cool, and I identify with it totally. And very danceable, which is strong criteria for my musical taste. If I find out that I can print the lyrics here with no problem, I will.

The other reason is this. When I was very small, my father taught me to wink. Evidently, he thought it was pretty cool that this little child had this amazing talent and ever after, his nickname for me was "Winker", which later was shortened to "Wink". My father passed away in 1989, I miss him immensely and when I think of him, he's winking at me.

PSYCHO PHARMACOLOGY

I'm thinking, tell me if I'm wrong, that it would be way cool to have pills you could take that would "help you along" (just a bit, mind you) in difficult or uncomfortable situations. Just suppose you're faced with a really significant interview for a dream job that would change your very life. There's a certain amount of stress involved, a fair amount of perspiration expected and a very specific amount of kissing up without going overboard. What normal person without the benefit of a situation-sensitive drug could snag that position? Not I, even on my best day. Imagine opening up a little pocket-sized leatherette case chock-full of little capsules in a beautiful array of colors for a virtual panacea (correct me if I'm using that term wrong) of situations you might encounter. Better safe than sorry, my husband always says. Which brings to mind a perfect example of one such occasion. A holiday with the in-laws! (I am SO kidding here but for the sake of this post, humor me) I recommend 2 of the magenta dolls, one each for the obnoxious bro-in-law with the Casanova Complex and one for the yippy barking scruffy mutt that gets locked in the bedroom for 4 straight hours and rolls all over your black coat that's on top of the pile on the bed. Follow those with a lime green fat-blocker so you can gorge on all the calorie-laden fat-dripping yummies displayed on six card tables and an ironing board. The lavender pill next to the fat-blocker will induce an artificial coma in 6 seconds flat so you can pass out on the couch with all the men and escape the scrubbing of the pots and pans. Add a swig or two of wine and Hubby is driving home for sure.

Please keep in mind that I am not promoting the casual use of drugs, prescription or otherwise. The drugs mentioned in this post are purely fictional and if they should seem to bear a resemblance to any actual drug, it is purely coincidental. I must remind you not to try this at the home of your actual in-laws. On a Holiday or any other day.

What do you think? Any occasion you can think of that might be eased with a little pharmacological help?

WHO KNOWS

Some things I often ponder...

Like why it is that you inevitably find yourself behind a car going 40mph when you're driving somewhere in a hurry. And why 87% of the time it is a Dodge that's holding you up. Either there is nowhere to pass, or if there is, there will be oncoming traffic. Or Mr./Ms. Pokey Pants will miraculously speed up in a passing zone.

Why you can count on the telephone ringing when you sit down to dinner or are "busy" in the bathroom. I love answering machines, and I'm not being sarcastic.

Why the comfort level of your bed increases directly proportionate to the number of times you hit the snooze button on the alarm. I'm guessing that level peaks the moment my feet hit the floor.

You know that tickle you get in your throat sometimes that develops slowly into a full-blown coughing fit that causes your eyes to water profusely and your face to turn ten shades of red-to-purple? Why does that happen in the middle of an All Associates meeting at work?

Why is it that you can live in a house for X-number of years and still walk into a room and reach for the light switch on the wrong side of the door? Tell me!

You strive to take care of yourself and eat healthy foods. You watch your fat intake and your cholesterol level and steer away from sodium-loaded foods. Why must all the healthy foods cost double the price of the crappy stuff you can buy at the grocery store?

Ever notice that, when shopping for clothes, if you don't try something on, you're pretty much screwed? Why isn't there some sort of universal sizing? In my closet right now I have pants that range from a size 3 to 9-10. And they all fit the same.

I am not a sports fan. No way, no how. And yet on every news broadcast there is a sports segment that lasts from commercial to commmercial. Aaarrrggghhh! Why isn't there a time slot featuring Art or Literature, Home Inmprovements or Fashion? Or Comedy, that would be good. At least something I would be interested in.

Why is it they never say the name of the new great song you just heard on the radio?

Why is your best hair day the same day you have an appointment to get it cut?

You have answers? I got questions. Have a good day.

PLEASED TO MEET ME (part III)

You sick of getting to know me yet? If you are, read no further. I very much would like to have a "100 Things About Me" on my sidebar for you to ignore if you so chose, but alas, I am not that savvy blog-wise at this time...

You could call me a Pacifist, I am anti-violence in all respects except that I lose no sleep over squashing an occasional spider and I love to kill flies. There's something deeply gratifying about saving the world from a filthy, pesky fly.

I rarely eat red meat. But I have a confession (please tell no one). In the past, probably 8 years or so, I will break down once or twice a year and devour a Bacon Cheeseburger with ketchup, onions and pickles like there is no tomorrow. But very recently and then for three consecutive weeks, I have enjoyed a certain burger at a certain fast-food mecca owned by a certain guy, Dave. The burger is smothered in cheese, mushrooms and bacon and dammit, I may well be addicted. But that's a secret.

I cannot deal with absolutes. Nothing is black or white for me. That gray area you hear about so often, that's where I live. I detest numbers (too absolute), formulas, schematics, percentages, clocks, thermometers, scales, calendars, schedules, measuring cups, deadlines, rules and rulers, instructions of any kind, phone numbers and zip codes. I do however, color INSIDE the lines. Go figure.

I am a true Pisces, always swimming in two directions at once. I constantly struggle with that heart/head thing. Heart usually wins out. I'm not a good decision-maker because I change my mind a hundred times before the final decision.

Common sense and rationality are not strong suits of mine, although I am fairly logical. More optimistic than pessimistic. More trusting than not. I always look for the positive in people and am not quite ready to surrender my faith in the Human Spirit.

Enough for now. Need to go check out James Blunt on Sat. Nite Live. If he's as good live as recorded, I'll add him to my new favorites list.

SOMEONE TAKE THE WHEEL

It makes me insane when the people in power, the "higher-ups" who make the decisions that affect our lives, implement rules and pass laws that, not only don't make sense to me, but sometimes just seem downright ridiculous. Case in point: This new idea that certain objects which previously were banned by airport security will now be allowed; namely scissors and tools of a certain length measurement. Our Homeland Security has determined that allowing these items will free up security and grant them more time to look for more dangerous items like bombs. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking that if security has to stop and measure items in question, is that not going to take more time than simply confiscating all said banned items? Maybe I am overlooking something here. I never claimed to have a great thinking mind and often complicated issues will confuse and befuddle me. But this seemed simple and clear to me. Simply and clearly stupid. Please tell me if I am missing something.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIE

I am, as yet, refusing to give up my song title obsession. As a result, there may be times that you really have to stretch your imagination to allow the title to fit the post. Depending on how much we think alike, Reader, it may be easy or impossible. As long as it makes sense to me, I'm happy. You can always click on the little X in the upper right hand corner... I have to live here. So as long as you're "under my roof", the title makes sense. Got that?

Speaking of "roof", or more specifically, "rooftop", my post tonight is a result of having watched the movie "Polar Express". I am still wiping tears (not an unusual activity for me, especially at this time of year) and experiencing that warm, fuzzy feeling. What a wonderfully well-made cinematic wonder. If you have not seen this, the Tom Hanks version, I urge you to throw on a coat and rush to your nearest video rental location, grab a box of tissues and sit down and prepare to be impressed. The animation alone in this movie is awesome. The subtle eye movements and facial expressions of the characters are so-o-o cool. If you have great speakers for your entertainment system, they will get a work-out. A few times I thought the Express itself was plowing through my livingroom. But the really great part is that it grabs you and deposits you smack into the part of your childhood that found you struggling with that age-old indecision about the elusive Mr. Claus. Is he real or isn't he? Who's lying, my friends or Mom and Dad? Remember how bad you wanted to believe but the whole sleigh/chimney/North Pole thing just seemed a bit far-fetched?
And if you, now as an adult, are not yet in the Holiday Spirit, it will definitely nudge you in that direction. And if you are teetering on the edge, it will shove you right over.

At different times in my life I struggled with the idea of telling children the whole Santa Claus story only to let them find out later that it was imaginary. Kind of puts the old screws to the whole trust thing. But Believing is a warm, magical state of mind that I think no one should be deprived of or denied. And you really never need to stop. So do I think it's a "lie" worth telling? Yeah, I think I do.