Thursday, November 30, 2006


Where on earth has the month of November gone? And this whole year in fact? I never could quite wrap my head around the concept of time and the older I get the harder it is. I've said this before and it still floors me... Why is it that an 8-hour-long work day feels longer than a 48-hour-long weekend? And remember when you were a kid and that 3-month-long summer vacation lasted for ages??? The other day when I realized I'd been blogging for an entire year, it made my head spin. Ok, it doesn't take much to get my brain in a whirl but, geez. And some of us in my circle of bloggers have been talking aboot procrastination lately. I think those of us guilty of that mortal sin live in a different time warp. I never have time to plan ahead, let alone accomplish what needs done in any given time span. I used to love to lay in bed at night and listen to the ticking of a clock. It made me feel safe and secure for some reason. If I had a real clock now that ticked beside my bed, I fear the sound would cause me to go insane in a very short time. To actually hear the sound of time elapsing, minute by minute would be like standing in front of a time-lapse mirror (if there were such a thing) and watching lines and wrinkles appear on my face and my hair turn gray one by one. Nightmarish, to say the least.

I look at my grandkids and they seem to be growing and changing in hyper-mode. Little Juju will be seven years old in a little over three weeks. Hell, it seems like he was born aboot 3 years ago... I just want to yell at the top of my lungs, "SLOW DOWN!!!"

You're wondering what prompted this post. Maybe. On the other hand, maybe it's obvious.
Christmas is coming. Quickly. Much too. So I'm going to get my unprepared butt outta here.

It has come to my attention that my Windows Live Messenger is showing me as Offline even when I am Online. I'm trying to figure out how to remedy this but, you know... I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, if you want to talk to me, I'm probly online off and on from 4 pm to 10 pm and once in awhile between 6 and 6:30 am. Weekends, potluck. If you know how to fix this, tell me. I attempted the uninstall and reinstall thing but it's messy.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Morphine - Cure for Pain

One of THE coolest songs of all time. God rest Mark Sandman's soul...
(fyi- The Band is Morphine. The Song is Cure for Pain)


Monday, November 27, 2006


This was fun reading Mark's version. The idea is to put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each of the following questions. Use the song title as the answer to the question. When I decided to do one of my own, of course, my iPod needed charging. So instead, I went into my Media Player and copied the first playlist I ran into and used it instead. Here is my result:

How am I feeling today? Hoo Dee Hoo ~ Rainmakers
Will I get far in life? Last Kiss ~ Pearl Jam
How do my friends see me? Kiss Me Deadly ~ Lita Ford
Where will I get married? Mary's Prayer ~ Danny Wilson
What is my best friend's theme song? A Beautiful Lie ~ 30 Seconds to Mars
What is the story of my life? D'Artagnan's Theme ~ Citizen Cope
What was high school like? Precious Declaration ~ Collective Soul
How can I get ahead in life? Little Eyes ~ Yo la Tengo
What is the best thing aboot me? Wrecking Ball ~ Fine
How is today going to be? Bullet and Target ~ Citizen Cope
What is in store for the weekend? Until You Came Along ~ Golden Smog
What song describes my parents? We Care A Lot ~ Faith No More
To describe my grandparents? It's All Been Done ~ Barenaked Ladies
How is my life going? License and Registration ~ Death Cab for Cutie
What song will they play at my funeral? My Divine ~ Diana
How does the world see me? To Be Young ~ Ryan Adams
Will I have a happy life? Hyperspace ~ Nada Surf
What do my friends really think of me? Get Some Sleep ~ Bic Runga
Do people secretly lust after me? She's a Piece of Work ~ John Wesley Harding
How can I make myself happy? Touch and Go ~ Vibrolush
What should I do with my life? Maybe Someday ~ The Cure
Will I ever have children? So Says I ~ The Shins
What is some good advice for me? Chain of Fools ~ R. L. Burnside
How will I be remembered? Let Go ~ Frou Frou
What is my signature dancing song? Fair ~ Remy Zero
What do I think my current theme song is? Badass ~ Kacy Crowley
What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Hollow of Your Hand ~ Jeff Black
What type of men/women do you like? Crazy ~ Gnarls Barkley
What does your man/woman love about you? Another Fine Day~ Golden Smog
What song do you secretly love? Heaven or Las Vegas ~ The Cocteau Twins
What do you want to do tomorrow? Return to Innocence ~ Enigma


Sunday, November 26, 2006


Looking at this picture of Andrew, now 11 days old and Mr. Awake Most of the Night (Poor JuJu and Family...) makes me so calm and relaxed ... despite his nickname. Isn't he precious?

I've added some new pictures from this visit in my top Flickr box if you're interested.



I had an absolutely divine holiday with the kids. I must have the most intelligent, funny, and beautiful grandchildren in the universe. Coming home and tearing myself away was very hard to do. I'm too tired tonight to do the down/upload-whatever thing with the pictures, but I will get that done before the weekend is gone. I might attempt it now but am a bit tipsy... Had to celebrate the Blogiversary and I'd promised to get caught up on a friend's blog which of course was made more enjoyable and relaxing with a couple of drinks. Bad part is, I've finished the smoked almonds and am starting on the chocolate now. Might move to pretzels next.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving too. Being that I'm not feeling well and JuJu has recently birthed a babe, we opted to let Boston Market prepare our Thanksgiving dinner. We had done that once in the past and the food was great and the kitchen time was just aboot right, considering no cooking and very little clean-up. The thing was, this year they send you home with a loverly shoppin' bag filled with cold food and a nice little instruction sheet for cooking and reheating the freakin' food. And being that we had picked up piping hot food on the previous occasion, we assumed we would be picking up piping hot food this time too. Pick up time was 12:30 pm. We had planned to eat at 1 pm. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Needless to say, we did not eat at 1:00. Luckily we had ordered an appetizer of spinach/artichoke dip. It may have arrived frozen, I forget... but we cooked and served that to keep the natives from getting too restless. After much juggling of oven, burners and microwave, we finally had a pretty good dinner of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, and cornbread with pumpkin butter. It wasn't until the end of the meal that we noticed they had neglected to include the pumpkin pie that we'd ordered. Oh well, we were thankful for the other food. I still can't get over how beautifully they packaged the whole thing... But we were with loved ones and that was the very best part.

Okay, I'm going to bed now so I can get up in plenty of time to nurse this hangover in the am.


Saturday, November 25, 2006

ON WITH THE SHOW... (Looney Toons)

By the time I finish this post, it will be officially my First Blogiversary. This is quite a thrill for me, considering the pains I've overcome to reach this milestone. I remember when my fondest wish was to have my very own blog. Thanks to JuJu who set me up and taught me some basics, I've now been blogging for an entire year. I can say that for the most part, I've enjoyed every minute. Aside from being therapeautic, the coolest thing is being able to come here every day and visit with some of the greatest people I've ever met. This has become kind of a haven for me; a place I can come and share and say how I feel and not feel judged or incriminated but accepted and even appreciated. I haven't tried to impress or put on airs. What you read here is pretty much the way I am which isn't much more or less than a work in progress.

This has been a year of changes for me. Changes in my life, how I feel and think aboot things. Readers have come and gone. Some of the craziest have been here from post #1. Some don't comment but keep in touch through email or IM. At any rate, I've come to feel that I've made some great, life-long friendships.

I had intended before this to compile a collection of some of my favorite posts over the past year. If you know me at all, you're not surprised that I haven't found the time to do that. I rilly, rilly wish I had.

It's been kind of a weird year and it's passed by incredibly quickly. There were those couple of months that I could think of nothing but how much I wanted a cigarette. I had that 7-month stint of working the night shift. I got myself a new grandbaby which is a huge deal. The past two months plus have found me feeling less than great. I've probly done more than my share of whining and complaining. For that I apologize. I hope at least once in awhile I've shared something interesting or made you think. And please, more than anything, I hope I've made you smile or laugh. Lord knows, you've all done that for me, and more.

Being that this is a big deal for me, I'm now going to pour myself a nice glass of Chianti and toast this year past.


Wednesday, November 22, 2006


I'm a guest at the House of JuJu and would rather not spend a lot of time on here so I will just say this and then get back to the business of baby-loving and merry-making...

PD and I want to wish all of you a very very Happy Thanksgiving, full of all the things to love aboot the holiday; Family, good food, great friends and an appreciation of the magnitude of all we have to be thankful for.

When I think of how fortunate I am to have Friends like all of you and a Family I cherish, I am in awe. And I mean that.


Sunday, November 19, 2006


Ok, so maybe you misplaced your ruby slippers. I keep mine handy at all times... The reference may seem obscure, but what I'm getting at is that, when I listen to this song, it just kind of takes me "Home"...

I had planned to post this way back when we actually had a Harvest Moon and never got around to it. But after listening to the Neil Young Unplugged cd I bought yesterday, I decided that you all should listen to this awesome song and let it wash over you like I did and just let it take you home.

Neil Young - Harvest Moon

Harvest Moon

Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin'
We could dream this night away.
But theres a full moon risin'
Lets go dancin' in the light
We know where the musics playin'
Lets go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.
But now its gettin' late
And the moon is climbin' high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon...


Saturday, November 18, 2006


Hey. It's Saturday night. PD is watching Daniel Boone and I'm attempting to decide if a shot and a half-or-so of Jim Beam in a bottle of Dark Chocolate Mocha Godiva Belgian Blend is any good. Seems to be. ;-)

I hit Backstreet today to satisfy a music jones. I would link to them here but I seriously doubt if they have a site. I'll check and if they do, I will or if they don't, I won't. (Don't bother clicking the link, waste of time.) I bought 8 cds, two are gifts and besides those, I picked up some Golden Smog, Morrissey, Neil Young Unplugged and 3 compilations.

Tonight I am developing a keen thrill for Another Fine Day by Golden Smog. You heard of them? That cd is going to have to find it's way onto the iPod. One song in particular, Corvette is great for cranking up and just getting lost in.

My best thing today was running into an old and dear, sweet friend, Natalie. I wish I had a picture so you could see how fantastic she looks. We haven't seen each other in (Oh My) an embarrassingly long time. Several years ago we worked together. Nat is one of those people you meet and instantly become a fan. You start a friendship, fall in love and then, no matter what happens, you're bound for life. Natalie was kind of a "partmer in crime"... we seemed to bring out the mischief in one another. A day never went by that we didn't have at least one great laugh- the kind that makes you cry and makes your face numb and your stomach muscles hurt. We shared the exact same sense of humor and had some of the longest, hardest, most satisfying laughs that I can remember. She no longer works with me. She's gotten married to a wonderful guy and is now Mom to two adorable little boys. I'm so glad to have seen her. I've invited her to come and read JuJu and here, so maybe you'll get to "meet" her. She's nuts... In the absolute BEST sense of the word. ;-) She'll fit right in here, huh?

I decided the Beam/Mocha thing is A-OK and Golden Smog is my other new lovah... :-Þ


Just in case you haven't been to JuJubee's yet...


Friday, November 17, 2006


I apologize for the cranky post yesterday and any others of late. I'm just not myself. Either that or it's the New Me. If that's the case, you have my sympathy. Let's hope not.

I've been writing this post in my head off and on for awhile and if I don't get it out soon, I'll either lose it (the post) or it will be a novel.

I have two lives. One is in front of my face and the other is in my head. Don't worry, at this point they are separate and I'm (still) able to differentiate between the two. I suspect that we all posess both but some are less aware of the distinction or just mainly concern themselves with the more real of the two. I kind of juggle mine and drift in and out and back and forth between mine. Now I'm not sure how y'all handle yours, I've never really discussed the concept with anyone. What may or may not make me different is that I think I might spend an equal amount of time in both on any given day. And often it occurs simultaneously.

Being the eldest of six children, a female Pisces born in the Chinese Year of the Monkey, now in the fiftieth year of my so-called life in Western Pennsylvania are all factors that may or may not contribute to the extent of time which I spend in my life in my head. (I wonder if this is a personality trait that might be determined by any of the above-mentioned qualities or if it's just a coping mechanism or something?) That "life" serves a multitude of purposes. I practice imagery more often than I even realize. I entertain myself with that ablility. In your head, you can be who you want to, go where you want to, do what you want to. When real life gets in your face or isn't as pretty as you'd like or you just can't deal, there's a whole 'nother place to go that is kinder and amazingly user-friendly.

I don't mean this to sound as if I'm less than a functional, relatively (ha ha) normal, productive human being. I should probably say that I spend 8-10 hours a day doing a job that requires less thought than, say that of a rocket scientist. So I do have some time to um, allow for some creative thinking. ( I wonder if exercising my cognitive energy as much as I do might help me escape Alzheimer's? I'm hoping...)

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I think I spend more time in my head than the average person. I venture to say that "it works for me" although Poopy would most likely tell you that it's the root of all my problems. Those problems being: forgetfullness, selective hearing, clumsiness, compulsive list-making (and list-losing), take your pick. Those "problems," in my defense are all hormone-related and temporary. Hah! Anyway...

Is this abnormal? Not that I will stop if you all suggest I'm delusional and need to consult a professional; not that I even probly have any control over it. But I just wonder if I'm alone in this...

Today's song snippet is Strange Combination by T-Bone Burnett from Twenty Twenty: The Essential T-Bone Burnett. The bass makes me HAPPY. Which reminds me, TGIF :-)


Thursday, November 16, 2006


Ju and I talked today and pretty much decided that I'll leave all the baby posting up to her and that should happen when she's good and E. (Get it now?) In the meantime I will tell you that when my daughter makes up her mind to do something, she don't waste no time, bucko. Kick some ass and take names later. She had that baby in less than 2 hours. That's all I'm going to say aboot that. Thanks to all of you for all your good wishes, I'm passing them all along to her. She and the baby and the rest of the Ju Clan are great. Talk to y'all later.

(Sorry for the bold, I can't get rid of it. You deal with it.)


Real quick. No time now for a complete update but don't want to leave you all hanging. Talked to Ju last night and she's wonderful and Number 3 is supposedly "perfect in every way" and looks just like Daddy. I will find out for myself this weekend or next, not decided yet but am anxious as heck.

I have some stuff going on today put promise a complete post probly around 8pm tonight.
Have a good day :-)


Wednesday, November 15, 2006


You get up in the morning and you think it's just gonna be a regular day. Sure, your daughter could have a baby, she's pretty E. (READY in case youns never figured that out the other day.) But chances are, it's just gonna be a regular day.

But you are wrong, my friend. From now on this will be my third grandchild's birthday. And that is WAY COOL. The newest JuJu was born today at 4:35 pm EST and weighs 7 pounds and 1 ounce and measures 19 inches long. Mama and baby are great and Nana is elated. I will let JuJu share the other (amazing) details, I don't want to steal her thunder. You will be amazed, I promise.

You'll have to excuse me now. I must go spend the rest of the evening spreading the good news.

Today's song is Sweet Illusions by Ryan Adams (and the Cardinals) from the cd Cold Roses.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Before I get on to the subject of this post, I would like to say this: I feel like shit. It's a well-known and overdone topic here. I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

I have claimed my pain. I have made peace with my pain. My pain and I are one and the same. Until my pain decides to move on, I will embrace my pain as I would any guest and make him feel at home. When the bastard leaves, I will make sure the door hits him in his bloody ass.

That's all I have to say on the topic except that when he checks out, I'll be sure and spread the news.

Now that we have that out of the way, on to more important business. The business that is causing me feelings of trepidation and no small amount of angst. Blogger is pressuring me to go Beta. The anxiety this arouses in me is akin to that experienced during dental procedures. I don't know what to do. JuJu has her plate full, I'm not going to bother her with this. You all have REAL blogs and have long since deserted this archaic method of publishing. (I might want to think twice aboot what I write here, huh?) I love Blogger, (wink wink) it's just that everyone else I know is constantly goading me to surrender and move on to Wordpress or TypePad or whatever. I just don't have the time or the smarts to do it. I need someone who will let me sit on their lap and talk me through this stuff.

You know, it amazes me- I am 50 years old. I've gotten to be this age pretty much without ever asking advice aboot anything from anyone. It's just not something I do. But now here I am with this keyboard in front of me and I'm so freaking clueless, I can't do much of anything without asking for advice from everyone aboot everything. Drives me crazy.

I'm not gonna beg, but if anybody has any advice for me or is willing to help me change, I'd love you forever and ever. Or even if you tell me I don't ever have to change, that I can just keep this the way it is until the cows come home, I'd be ever so happy and grateful....

Here's your song for today from my Pandora. One of my favorites, Buffalo River Home by John Hiatt. Hope you like it. :-)


Monday, November 13, 2006


First, let me say that I'm happy to find that the ground-breaking began today for the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial. I wasn't aware of the plans for such a memorial, and now I wonder why in the heck it's taken all this time for someone to get around to erecting one... I have visited Washington DC twice in my life and never had one single wish to return there, but if I'm still around when this memorial is finished, I might have to change my mind and go there to pay my respects. I watched part of the ceremony on World News Tonight and it was very emotional.
Not sure why I linked to a BBC News story, it was the first headline that came up in Firefox...

You guys all know aboot Pandora by now don't you? Gosh, I wish it was portable. It's my new lov-ah. ;-) Not sure if this link will work or not but go here and listen to this good song. If it works, I might have a new feature for you here everyday or so :-)

Are any of you familiar with a nifty concept whereby an employee elects to have a portion of his or her wages deducted and put into an account (pre tax) to be used strictly for medical expenses that are not covered by that employee's medical insurance? Sometimes they are called Medical Flex-pay accounts. Last year it sounded like a wonderful idea to me and I whole-heartedly embarked on a give-and-take (hehe) relationship/rollercoaster ride with one of these accounts. It seemed so simple and handy. Basically they hand you a debit card and you use it for office visit co-pays, OTC drugs, prescription co-pays, contact lenses, dental work, the list goes on and on. You no longer have to worry aboot whether you have cash on hand or if you put the checkbook in your purse that day, what could be better??? WELL. What these bastards do not tell you (Okay, they told me, it was just so vague...) is that every single time you have an expense that does not match your medical insurance amount (say an office co-payment is $10. My doctor's office gives you a break if you pay on the DOS so NONE of my co-pays matched... And say, oh, that your prescription co-pay is $20. And say your pharmacy charges you the lesser amount if the cost of your medicine is less than your co-pay... So LOTS of my co-pays didn't match.) The thing is, when there is a discrepancy, you must send proof (receipts, etc) that the expense was indeed, a medical one. It wasn't so bad the first part of the year, I just had yearly expenses like, you know, female annual events and stuff like that. An odd doctor or dental appointment here and there, not a major pain in the ass. But looky here... I have spent the better part of the last two months in doctor's offices and in pharmacies and I've wracked up a nice shit-load of medical expenses. And... You Guessed It! NONE OF MY FREAKING TOTALS MATCH ANYTHING RESEMBLING WHAT THE PLAN SAYS. Need I say more?
I thought not.

Tomorrow, first thing, I am in the front office at work cancelling the freaking card.

Thanks. I feel better. Not great, but better.


Sunday, November 12, 2006


Well, here it is, Sunday night a little over an hour away from my regular Sunday night bedtime. I have slept more than half of the past 48 hours away. And how do I feel, you're wondering?
Not a whole helluva lot different than I did two days ago. I am not coughing as much, (I know I keep saying that...) but my ribs are still ridiculously sore. (I keep saying that, too.) The only real difference in the way I feel is that my butt is sore from being in bed so much.

Poopy and I decided that we couldn't stand our sheets anymore so we washed and dried them. He was kind enough to strip the beds (we've not been sharing a bed due to germs) and I appreciated that enormously. I have taken aboot two hours to get the sheets back on the beds (don't overdo it, you know) but it will feel great to slip into fresh, crisp germ-free beds tonight.

I can't believe that my life has deteriorated to this level, that I'm reduced to sharing with the world that I'm sleeping and doing laundry. I want my old life back!!!

Anyway, you all are familiar now with my whining and depressing monologue. If it's painful for you to come here, I fully understand and will not blame you one iota if you don't come around. Honest. Just pretend there's a big red sign here that reads QUARANTINE or something.


I guess it's pretty evident by now that I chose to stay home last night. I decided to swap the "mess factor" for a chance at getting healthy. I might even break some sort of weekend sleep record. This is the second time I've been up since last night at dinner time. And when I'm finished posting, I'm going to shower, break out some fresh jammies and hit the pillows again. You should see how I've torn up the bed, it's a wreck. I'm going to have to do some rearranging before I get back in.
I don't feel any worse or better yet. If I sleep the whole weekend away and don't feel better, I am going to be royally irked. I am having some crazy-ass dreams though, let me tell you. I guess that's my weekend entertainment since I missed SNL.


Saturday, November 11, 2006


Simon recently opened up his blog for questions from readers. Not to be mistaken for someone whose mind is in the gutter, I chose to inquire about a third party that he may have chosen if his wife Amy had consented to allowing Simon to live out one of his favorite fantasies, a menage a trois.
Well, that got me thinking- in a theoretical sense, by all means- that if I were to present that possibility to Poopy do, who I might like to invite. I haven't actually asked him yet, and I most likely never will because, like there's any chance it would ever happen... and I'm just talking out my butt, as usual. But in my head, if it ever were to happen, my choice for third party is pictured here, in most of his glory. Is that sinful, to look that good? I think so. In case he doesn't look familiar to you, it's because I made him up in my head. No, I'm kidding. It's Gael Garcia Bernal. You might have fallen in love with him while you were watching The Motorcycle Diaries (2004), as I did.

Hey guess what? I went to bed around 3:30 am this morning and just woke up around 6:30 pm tonight. I'm hoping that much sleep will help me feel better. I'm going to eat dinner and take some pills and go back to bed if I can. G' night. :-)


Thursday, November 09, 2006


I'm only going to bring this up briefly and then move on to something brighter... My cough seems to be back but HEY! My ribs and back feel better. I don't know if that's a good sign or not. A couple of times I felt better and then got worse. So we'll see. I had the chest X-ray today and if anything shows up I should hear by Monday.

I think I mentioned yesterday that I am thinking of going to a club on Saturday with a bunch of people from work. I am having a bit of anxiety about my decision... Normally I don't socialize with the people I work with. I make a few exceptions (very few). My opinion on the subject is this: When you're out with a bunch of people and there is alcohol involved, there is a pretty good chance that "something messy" could happen. And by messy I mean personality clashes, altercations of any sort, you name it. And if there might be more than one gender involved the possibility of messy is increased tenfold. All of this isn't a terribly big deal, I'm not the type to get in the middle of messy. But when messy happens with co-workers, there exists the probability that these people are going to be faced with each other's faces every day at work. Not a good place to be, in my opinion. As I said, the chances of something happening directly to me are slim but I would hate to even have two people I work with at odds with one another. That can create a pressure to "choose sides." Nah, no thanks. Maybe I'll pass on this invitation. On the other hand, I would truly love to go out dancing. More than likely, I won't feel up to it and that will just take care of my decision. I'll let ya know what I decide...

Have yourself a Great Friday. I plan to :-)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Today was my worst day so far with this "ailment". Do I sound like a really old person? I FEEL like a really old person. Not sure if I mentioned or not that I have costochondritis. I have been on an anti-inflammatory for I think, 2 weeks now. I'm starting to notice patterns now that I wish the doctor would have asked me to pay attention to. Later in the day my pain is aboot twice as severe as in the mornings. It also seems that the more activity I engage in, the more pain I have. After a night's sleep, the pain is bearable. Usually after dinner, PD has to help me up if I happen to be sitting on a lower or soft chair. While I'm in the shower with the hot water on me, it feels pretty good. That relief is gone aboot the same time I turn the water off.
The doc maybe could have saved me a little pain and aggravation had she told me to try to limit my movements. Most of my job involves reaching all over a lab table, repeatedly, with my arms mostly extended. And being that I work in a controlled area where we are required to gown completely, at least 8 times per day (not including potty trips) I must sit on a stainless steel bench and put on (or take off) a cover-all type suit that may not touch the floor in any way, shape or form. Also required are shoe coverings which are to the knee with numerous straps and snaps that must be fastened. In other words, more bending and stretching.

Today being, as I said, my worst day for pain to date, I called my doctor to ask her if there is anything additional that I should or should not be doing. I mainly wanted to know if I should try to limit my physical movement and if it's a bad idea for me to go out dancing Saturday night with friends at Big Dogs. Now I believe that is a legitimate concern, don't you? Before this um, BIG HURT, the only thing that would keep me away would be a new baby for the JuJu's. Now it looks like no big fun at big dogs just big hurt- home on a saturday night.

I've been writing this post off and on for over an hour now and not even sure what I've written. At any rate, I'm to go have a chest X-ray tomorrow to rule out anything more serious than the CCD-itis. I almost wish it was something else, something less painful. I feel like such a whiner. But honest to God, this hurts B-A-A-A-A-D.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006


The Number Three JuJu has not yet made an appearance. That is good for me and PD. We are sick and germy and should not be around small children or old people. That presents a bit of a problem for PD in two different areas... Haw haw. (But I make him hang out with me anyway.)

While we are trying to recuperate before #3 comes, JuJuBee is not to be confused with someone who might be described as content to sit and wait for either the recuperation or the arrival of the child. She's got her bag packed and her minivan gassed-up. She's E.

All of a sudden it's time to get back into "Baby Mode." We're barely out of it, being that BabyJuJu is only a bit over 18 months old. It's time to revisit the sections in the department stores that are teeming with teeny pink and blue and yellow and green sleepers and soft, fuzzy blankies. Bedding with teddies and lambs and duckies and music boxes that play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Tiny booties and bibs. All those adorable little things that you go crazy over that a baby might wear once or twice, puke all over and have their picture taken in. But you still gotta buy it just cause it's so absolutely adorable.

Time to get all gushy and start talking babytalk and sterilize the binky 30 times a day and wash your hands before you touch the baby. Time to make a place to stack a gazillion diapers and haul out the Genie for disposing of a gazillion diapers.

Time to remember that this little one will not be a baby any longer than any other child and that you have to love, enjoy and appreciate every second of this babyhood. Don't take for granted one coo or gurgle or milk burp. Remember what that tiny hand feels like wrapped around your finger. Relish the feel of his downy cheek on your lips and the scent of his warm little head. Memorize the hiccups and the way the corners of his mouth twitch in his sleep. Etch in your mind the way he looks up at his Mama as he contentedly nurses at her breast. Drink in the feel of the loose skin around his fragile neck, the intricate structure of those itty-bitty ears, the incredible smallness of his fingernails. Revel in the ability of that tiny little human who can demand every iota of your attention simultaneously causing you to forget about the whole rest of the universe. And enjoy it as long as you abso-effing-lutley can.

I gotta get better fast.


Monday, November 06, 2006


I'm not prone to having recurring dreams. In fact, the only dream I ever remember having more than once in my life occurred on three consecutive Halloween nights when I was probly 8 and 9 and 10. I dreamt (is that a word?) that my mom and my aunt were sitting at the kitchen table talking over coffee. I heard my aunt mention that she had heard that the witches were going to be out that night. I felt a great deal of anxiety then. I imagine that it was a kind of realization for me, hearing a grown-up say it surely meant that witches were indeed real. If I had not been sure before, I definitely was now. In my dream I went to bed and awoke (still dreaming) to see two terribly ugly witches bigger than life with huge, bulgy eyes standing on either side of my bed. They each were wearing the standard black witch's garb and holding brooms the way a shepherd would hold a crook or staff or whatever you call them. I scrambled out of my bed and in the process, knocked over my nightstand but managed to get out of the room before either witch could stop me. The next parts have grown blurry to me over the years but I recall next being on a staircase. I don't know if I was trying to go up or down but there was a witch at the top with her broom on fire, lighting the carpet at the top of the stairs and the other, at the bottom doing the same. The fire burned quickly, to the point where the only step not burning was the one on which I was standing. Conveniently, that was the point where I woke up, my skinny little body drenched in sweat and my heart pounding loudly in my chest. The second and third times I had the dream were as totally terrifying to me as the first. I remember the next couple of Halloweens causing some dread in my mind, worried that the dream might come back. I had it one more time, later in life. I was probly a young teenager at the time and I was surprised at how much the dream had stayed the same.

Just recently I have dreamt twice aboot being on a deserted road late at night in the snow on a bicycle. It was very dark and very cold. The dreams were not identical except in that I was on a bike in the dark in the snow, alone. Also in each dream, I was riding normally until a point where I realized that I was riding on pure ice. At that point, I was unable to keep riding and had to get off the bike and push it along beside me. The task was very difficult for some reason. I think the bike was either very heavy or something may have been wrong with the steering. I would like to have the dream again so I could pay better attention to details; for instance if the roads look familiar, or if I can figure out why the bike is giving me problems. I have a few ideas what the dream is trying to tell be but it would be helpful to know these other details.

I need to get some chores done, I didn't accomplish much over this past weekend. Mostly because I went to bed at 10pm Friday night (unusually early for me on a weekend) and didn't wake up until 3:10pm on Saturday afternoon (completely unheard of...). I was royally pissed. I waited all week for that weekend and I slept it half away! :- (



Sunday, November 05, 2006


... that this could turn into a decent rant before it's all over and done with.

When you've been sick or not feeling well for an extended period of time, your thinking tends to take on one or the other of a couple trains of thought. One, you look at your life as a whole and realize that, yeah, maybe I take a few too many things for granted. Maybe I'll concentrate on the positive things in my life and learn to appreciate them for the blessings that they are. I could easily learn to adopt a more positive and gracious outlook, having experienced this illness and realizing how fortunate one is to have no (major) health problems.

Another pattern of thinking that one may adopt in a situation such as mine is much simpler and easier to describe. It will go something like this: Everything bites and I'm freakin' sick and tired of feeling like this and don't come near me or I'll bite your friggin' head off and spit it down your scrawny neck and kick you in the shins and laugh my fool head off and still be pissed off.

I'm shoulder-deep in the latter of the two. So help me, every teensy little irritating thing I encounter just makes me want to haul off and destroy something. I could take a sledgehammer to a picture window and not even blink. I could run over a skunk on the road and stop and back over it again. I could throw a decent-sized mudball at the back of an old woman's head. I could park in a handicapped spot and glare wickedly at anyone who questioned my choice. I could pour a gallon of bleach in a fishtank and watch all the little albino fishies float to the top and laugh diabolically. And then toss them one by one into the toilet and flush and flush and flush. . .

Ok, so I got a little carried away there. I wouldn't do or derive any pleasure from any of these despicable deeds. I'm just a little testy, you see. Number one, I have a new grandson arriving any day now and until I'm completely recuperated, I won't be able to visit the JuJu Clan and help out and/or enjoy the new little one. And number two, I am allowing myself only 2-3 cigarettes per day, hoping to work my way down to ZILCH.

I'll stop now, I'd hate to have any of you see the mean side of me.


Thursday, November 02, 2006


Guess who? (Hint: Rhymes with D. V. as well as G.B.)

If you guess it right, you get to tell me why Blogger does whatever the hell it wants to, like putting a picture above all the writing when you told it to put it below all the writing...

I was going to dress as an Imperial Storm Trooper. I even got the black fishnets... We (had we not been just feet away from our respective deathbeds) had planned to attend a costume party and make our entrance with a boombox blasting "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. (Do they still call them boomboxes?)

(No, I've not recovered ... just feeling tres guilty for not posting...)