Wednesday, January 31, 2007

IT'S BUSY IN THERE.. Had I known the obstacles I might encounter in this "quest" I've set aboot undertaking, I'd have packed a jackhammer, a Swiffer and several cans of WhoopAss just to get through some of the thick stuff. Hah!

Yesterday I shared that I've been going to work sans mask. Today was day three. It's very interesting to me that I'm actually seeing people reacting differently toward me. I've always had a "policy" for lack of a better word, for not getting close to many people that I share the same workspace with, for many reasons I'm sure you can imagine so I'll not go into that. But I've been more aware of how I relate to people and I think that I have projected a sort of "keep your distance" force field. I don't think that I'm all that approachable. People seem to respect me but I find that I am not one to be included in those little gossipy circles that are so prevalent in workplaces where there is a majority of women. Don't get me wrong, that's more than fine with me. I don't get off on that kind of relating. I'm the person people come to for answers to music trivia or how to spell a word or who starred in a movie or things like that. They'll come to me for advice on how to deal with this or that. I've had people say they trust me not to repeat things and that they know I'll give an honest opinion. I like that and I'm proud to have that reputation. I'm speaking in general terms, of course.

The past few days have been interesting. I honestly don't think I'm behaving much differently, I'm basically just not trying to be Miss Smiley Hunky Dory. I'm smiling and saying hi, how are ya, that kind of thing. But not when I don't mean it. So let's say, I dunno, maybe it's been cut in half. I don't mean this to sound all snotty or whatever, just making an attempt at being completely honest with myself. But anyway, little subtle things are happening. For instance, someone (who I don't normally have a conversation with often) was waiting at the end of the hall for me and wanted to share a web address of a site she'd come across and thought I might be interested. That was nice. And yeah, I'm finding myself a little more relaxed. That's never a bad thing. I'm amusing myself with this little exercise. And hopefully growing and losing some bad habits.

Today I spent some time thinking aboot what growing up means. I don't know how obvious this might be to any of you but I have never grown up. Not consciously, anyway. For the most part, it hasn't caused me a lot of problems. But it's just not entirely natural for a woman of my, um, stage in life. I'm going to be giving that some thought. In the mean time, feel free to tell me your experinces, like when did you know for sure you were an adult? Things like that.



Blogger M+ said...

I can sooooo relate to your perceptions at work. I'm the guy everybody asks about trivia. Whether it be movies, music, literatrure or - especially - cartoons. I'm the person everyone turns to first. And I'm also the trustworthy guy that people don't mind sharing their troubles with. Not to mention I'm sought out by more people for theological answers to life's questions than anyone else I work with. And there are plenty of people there who might be considered to be more spiritual than me, I'm just more down-to-earth than any of them.
It's a good feeling.
Isn't it a great feeling to not have to hide behind a facade? Let people see the real you and see how well they respond.
I'm not sure that I've grown up yet. I knwo that I'm an adult because I act like one all the time, at least, when I have to for my kids or whoever. But I don't think I've ever really grown up. I still love to play with Legos, video games, and have a good snowball battle. And I love going down to the creek near my house with my son to enjoy the wonder and amazement of nature. So I guess it's not causing me any problems either.

4:22 AM EST  
Blogger Simon said...

You really ought to give yourself a lot of credit for consciously taking the mask off at work. Not only is it a brave thing to do, but also - for most - incredibly difficult. That alone is worth lauds and accolades to rain down on you like Lucky Charms on that stupid cartoon elf.

Pretty much all of my growing up has been completely unintentional. I think that's the way of things for most people. I get thrust into (or choose) a new situation, and whatever way I deal with it helps me to grow, be it for good or ill. If I can manage to choose my reaction to situations consciously rather than relying on past experiences and applying one o' them to a new scenario, I normally feel better about doing it that way.

I've never liked the term 'grown up'. I accept the label of 'adult', and have, in the past couple years, started receiving the 'sir' honourific from retail employees and restaurant servers.

Adult I may be, but grown up shall I viciously thwart.

9:46 AM EST  
Blogger Izabella said...

I don't believe in accidents or coincidentals...what the odds that I would stumble across your blog & find that you just wrote a lil blurb about my website!?

Amazing!! I am actually very stunned, life is good!

I am in awe of your writing~

xxx ~Izabella

11:19 AM EST  
Anonymous Jeff A said...

Hey now! Growing up is not part of the deal! Growing up is for people who want to be a stick in the mud(I can't believe I just said that).

When I drop my "mask" it seems like people get farther away from me. Maybe the real me is frightening, a little on edge. Or maybe they are all buttheads who just need to be more compassionate! ;-)

12:23 PM EST  
Blogger Moksha Gren said...

I won't grow up
I don't want to wear a tie
With a serious expression
in the middle of July

If growing up
seems to be
beneath my dignity to climb a tree
I won't grow up
Never grow up
Never grow uuuuuup

Not me!

In other words...I second Simon's thoughts on this topic. Good job on the mask...but no need to go all grown-up on us.

3:29 PM EST  
Blogger Mark said...

m+ and Simono summed up my feelings on being "grown up." At first, I think it's sad that so many people deprive themselves of good, innocent fun. But, then, maybe they genuinely don't like it. Maybe for them it isn't a facade to act like a grown-up. And, that is precisely why I love the universal law: you pick your friends. I have no time for people who can't have fun.

Great job on your own de-masking.

3:32 PM EST  
Blogger One Wink at a Time said...

M+: I want to say that this demasking thing started to emerge when I first turned 50 and began "shedding my skin." I started finding a whole new me and I think what happened was that all that newness intimidated me a bit and I kind of reverted back to the old me, but changed. I'm starting to see this now as kind of a natural progression... It's not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.

Simon: I'm realizing that wearing a mask is as much about hiding as it is trying to impress people with a personna that isn't even me.
"Sir" is a respectful term indeed, and MUCH preferrable to "Ma'am."

Izabella: You have no idea how cool it is to come on here and find that you've visited. I'm flattered that you are "in awe" of my writing... you really should read the work of my readers, they are the talented writers. I'm in love with your work and your site. If you don't mind I would like to "use" you for inspiration from time to time. Your stumbling upon my site; Synchronicity. It was bound to happen. :-)))))

Jeff: No complaints here if you won't/aren't/can't/whatever grown up. You know what I meant to say... Maybe that's why we all get along so well. We're just tall kids.
It's hard for me to imagine people backing off from you. You're a teddy bear. I'll assume they're buttheads... ;-)

Mokker: No danger of that... I promise.

Mark: Agreed. I know people who can't seem to have fun. Did you know that that is a common problem of (adult) children of alcoholics? I believe it, I've seen it happen. And then there are some people who can't seem to let go, or not be in control. I feel really sorry for both these kinds of people.

4:39 PM EST  
Blogger Moksha Gren said...

Does this new maskless Linda mean might get a blogger photo that isn't so sneaky looking? :)

Also, Google has shown me that I've been singing that Toy's R Us jingle wrong for years. It makes much more sense the way it was originally written. However, what I wanted to share with Mark and Simon was that when I Googled the phrase "beneath my dignity to climb a tree" without the quotation marks...the number four hit was for Cheeseburger Brown. I have no idea why that was worth sharing...but it struck me as very fun.

6:18 PM EST  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I have never grown up either, and I don't see any reason to. It keeps me young. Or something. What were we talking about?

9:05 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I realized I was an adult somewhere between "I do" and "PUSH"! I have many things I could say about you're place of employment(as I'm sure you can imagine), but for now I'll keep them for a less public outing. I can't imagine you being "snotty"--I've never even noticed any on your sleeve!

Love ya, Natalie

10:17 PM EST  
Blogger One Wink at a Time said...

Mokker: I was going for "alluring" with the pic... ;-) The Google thing is funny :-)

Fab: Having a conversation with you about adulthood is like talking to a puppy about physics...or something... ;-)

Nat: You grew up? Sorry I missed it! ;-)

6:12 AM EST  
Blogger 2complx said...

It seems clear by reading this comment strand that no one really wants to grow up. I too do not wish to grow up but sadly maybe we all have. The prejudice free thought of our youth begins to leave at adolescencence. I to do not want to be considered an adult or grown up. I worry that I will start to fall into a routine. I', scared that I will come to loose the things I've loved the most in my youth- my freedom, my ambition. Alas, both are gone. I feel youthful and behave younger I am. The reality is that I am a Babbitt not by choice, but by necessity. It would be a lie to deny.

gosh it sounds negative but how I feel now. I'm without a mask right now.

I need to send my writings to you to edit, Great Speller.

5:18 PM EST  
Blogger Simon said...

Moksha, that is such a delight to hear about the CBB find on google. And appropriate since I infrequently find myself humming the tune to myself. It's been replaced recently by that damned Coffee Pot song now. Aaargh!

5:48 PM EST  
Blogger Lawgirl said...

Yup, I'm the go to person for trivia, spelling, you name it.

12:28 AM EDT  

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