I HATE MUSIC

Things you will NEVER hear come out of my mouth:

1. "Let's go to Bingo tonight!"
2. "You want the rest of my lobster?"
3. "I wish it would snow."
4. "Not tonight, Honey, I have a headache."
5. "Turn that music down!"
6. "I'm bored."
7. "What's on the tube tonight?"
8. "Put some anchovies on my half..." (pizza)
9. "Watch me do a cartwheel."
10. "Computers love me."
11. "Math was my best subject."
12. The "n-word" or
13. The "f-word" when referring to homosexuals.
14. "Finally, Winter!"
15. "I could stand to lose a few pounds."
16. "A night of dinner and dancing? No, thank you."
17. "My entire house is spotless."
18. "I'll pass on the brownies, they have nuts in them."
19. "Toilet paper is on sale at Walmart this week!"
20. "I love golf, football, bowling, fur-trapping, fishing, dog sledding, pole-vaulting, bronco busting and mountain climbing."
21. "Wake me up before the sun comes up."
22. "I'm content right here, sitting around with the girls, chatting and complaining aboot our old men.
23. "I just popped a zit."
24. "Sure, I'm up for a game of Monopoly."
25. "If I had to pick, I'd rather work with a bunch of women."

And of course, anyone who knows me well will tell you there are aboot 5 words that I can't say no matter how hard I try. Already discussed that awhile back...

I also have a hard time saying "Good bye."

CARELESS

Attempting to catch up on news from my little corner of the world since I wrote last...

Sunday was "interesting". I got up at 3 pm, craving coffee. So much so, that I forgot to lock down the lid on the Senseo and brewed a cup of yummy Vienna blend all over the countertop. After I cleaned up my mess and made another cup, I decided it was time to launder my beautiful (and yes, foofy) fluffy white throw rug that I bought for my beautiful new black and white bathroom. I'm assuming that, after the coffee incident, I was still not yet fully functional and awake, for I neglected to pay attention to how much detergent I poured into the washing machine. So when I returned to the basement to stop my clanging off-balance washer I noticed a soccer ball-sized mound of soap suds erupting from the drain in the floor. My first thought was that the grandkids would get a kick out of the sight. But the real deal was when I opened the washer lid to find the entire machine brimming with fluffy white suds. Still growing...

After ten minutes or so, I managed to fill the sink with aboot 39 armfuls of suds which took aboot six hours to disappear completely. I have no idea what I did the rest of that day. But those were definitely the highlights...

Don't remember Monday. Or Tuesday. It's Wednesday now, I think and it's too early to report anything interesting, really. Except that the stereo in my car sounded especially great on my way home from work without the accompaning usual sound of the heater. :-) Could Spring really be coming???

I was disappointed (severely) to find out that we, here in North America, were not able to witness the Total Eclipse of the Sun today. I love the sound of that. Total Eclipse of the Sun. It sounds so... so, Newsworthy and Big and Thrilling. The entire occultation (forgive me if I spelled that wrong) only took four minutes, but I really would have liked to have seen it. The idea of the Earth and Sun and Moon in alignment just seems to hold so many possibilities in this crazy imagination of mine. I feel like something amazing could happen today. Of course, I will miss it, sleeping. Maybe I'll have a really awesome dream.

ANYWHERE'S BETTER THAN HERE

No, of course I didn't compose this at the Awards Banquet. I would have. And probly enjoyed myself more. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that the people who put the thing together probly knocked themselves out. I'm sure it was a lot of work and planning. But the thing is, in the days before the event there was all this talk aboot how special this banquet would be and that came straight from the front office. It was the 25th Annual so, yes, we expected something a little more elaborate than usual. It was the least-fun banquet I've been to in 10 years. Way too much speech-making. The food was fine; I had the salmon and eggplant parmesan. The dessert was excellent (but cheapie). It was a brownie and vanilla icecream drizzled with warm caramel. I waited all night just for the music because my whole intention of attending anything like that is mainly for the dancing potential. Not only did they play too many line dances and too many slow dances, when I finally said to myself, "Ok, if the next song isn't good, I'm outta here," what did they play? A freakin' Polka. Criminy. So I made my rounds, said my goodbyes and was home by 11pm. A waste of a good purple dress, Simon.

I did, though, get to see and catch up with some great friends and their husbands and wives. That made up for the lack of dance gratification.

I almost succeeded in adding an image here. Was getting really excited. Came really close. But after trying for 40 freakin' minutes, I fold.

PERFECT

Kind of a busy day. Could explain why I'm posting at 2:30 am. I got home from work at 6:45 am and had coffee, read my dailies, chatted online a bit and sent a couple emails. In other words, spent my daily "intimate and alone" time on here. That time is just for me, when I relax and make a plan for the day.

Today my plan was sleepin' and shawpin'. I decided to shawp before sleep. The shawpin' gods were smilin' on me cause I found the PERFECT dress for the banquet tomorrow evening. I wanted something classy, not too dressy. What I found is tres chic. I usually go with black for dress-up, but this dress is the most beautiful shade of what I would call dusty mulberry. Not purple, not periwinkle, not mauve. It's form-fitting, with no sleeves, kind of cut-in at the shoulders. Round neckline in the front and a semi-plunge V in the back. A-line with a teeny flare at the bottom, about 4 inches above the knee. The under dress is a darker shade with a sheer lighter overlay. Very simple and soft but it says what I was going for. I had considered black faux suede tight flare-bottom slacks and a sheer ivory lace tank with a turtleneck, scalloped at the top and bottom but it screamed New Year's Eve Sleazy. And I didn't have the right shoes any way... But the dress, I love. And the coolest thing; I found a long, long silk scarf exactly the color of the overlay. I'll either tie it around my neck and let it drape down in the back or if it's chilly at the Club, I'll use it to keep warm. Except for dancing, of course, when I will not be cold. If I don't do the scarf at the neck, I'll probably do pearls. Finding lipstick to coordinate is going to be interesting. No, Jeff, the dress has no pockets. I'll try not to draw attention to my hands... I'm laughing imagining that Jeff or any other male is still reading at this point.

After shawping, came home and did some recreational reading and writing. Have to satisfy those creative urges once in awhile. Poopy was sleeping so I had to keep relatively quiet. Compared to the neighbor's yappy dog, I was quiet as a mouse. Poopy did not wake up happy. Maybe it was lucky that I chose that time to go to bed myself. Slept better than I have in days. Always good to have your head in a good place when you turn in. I had some wild and crazy dreams too. I remembered them when I first woke up but they're gone now.

When I got up, went grocery shawpin' with Poopy. While he was choosing cereal, I made an interesting observation. All throughout the cereal aisle, there are small displays of cheapy toys and crap. I figure it is there for parents to pacify the kiddies who are throwing fits because they've been denied their favorite 32 oz. box of sugar concentrate (cereal) by their frazzled parents. "Here, I'll buy you this plastic bag full of neon-colored dinosaurs instead. Now shut the hell up." One of the displays I noticed featured Whoopee Cushions. What kind of a kid would be satisfied with a Whoopee Cushion? I have a picture in my mind of that kid. Not exactly the Junior I would hope to birth...

Came home and ate dinner around 10pm. Started to watch "Rent". Interesting but annoying. I detest musicals usually and this is no exception. But the characters are interesting and some of the music is really cool. Most of the characters have AIDS. This ain't gonna be a happily-ever-after- movie. I'll bet money on it. I told Poopy I may have to watch this in 20-minute installments to actually get through it. So after about a half hour, I retired to here. I plan to go to sleep aboot 3:30 and then get up around 9am and start all over again.

YOU'VE HAD IT WITH YOU

Reader, what is it aboot you that makes you want to scream? What do you do that you would pay to be hypnotized if you could only change that behavior? Is/Are these things new to you or have you suffered through them your entire life?

I will answer this and try to be concise because I realize that you all have better places to be and things to do. I could, you know, fill volumes on this topic...

I am the world's worst procrastinator. Every once in awhile this stellar quality of mine will sneak up behind me... Ok. Wait, no. It does not sneak. I know it's there. Always. Rather, it follows me around like a pesky snot-nosed neighbor kid and every once in awhile will just haul off and clip me a good one on the ass. Like today. I'm frantically mailing Scavenger Hunt Photos to Jeff, one of which I shot this morning at 6:30 am on my way home from work, no less. Forget editing that one... But this is a way of life for me. The upside is that once in awhile, if I'm lucky, the very thing I put off doing either expires or ends up not needing to be done anyway and I save time like that. Warped logic? Sure. A psychologist once tole me I thrived on chaos. Maybe. The alternative is my dreaded arch-enemy Boredom. Am I a textbook case, I wonder?

I hate that I am a pack rat. I hate it more for Poopy. I hold on to weird things too; ticket stubs, every cool marble I've ever found in my life, receipts for everything, forever. A friend who takes great vacations all over the place collects rocks for me from cool places. I cannot walk past a rack of sunglasses without buying a pair. Hence, too many sunglasses. I can't get rid of books and I keep buying them... And cds and dvds. Clothes. I have a hard time parting with clothes if they still fit. I haven't changed sizes in like eons, so I have closets full. Shoes too.

I make lists constantly and can't throw them away unless everything on them is completed. Like that ever happens... If I hear a good joke or a quote or an interesting website I write it down. At any given time I can fill up a Subaru with post-its or index cards out of my purse and pockets. Most of my belongings are paper, I just realized that. Books, journals, notes, receipts, scratched-off lottery tickets, grocery lists, photographs, crossword puzzles... I'm a paper freak and didn't realize it till now. Oh and I have every greeting card anyone ever gave me since my 13th birthday. Neatly separated and dated in boxes in the attic, mind you. Except maybe for the last couple years. I also have a decent-sized collection of those fantasy collector cards but just from the artists I really like. And every Rolling Stone I had since I think 1972. I think I'll stop here.

I'm not telling you anymore of my faults. Seeing this in print is scaring me. I'm in worse shape than I thought. Poopy will be glad to hear this admission. They say the first step to the cure is admitting you have a problem.

(I've always contended that my writing is therapeutic.)

Now you tell me yours...

BETWEEN LOVE AND LIKE

I did a lot of thinking at work last night. I thought about Love and all the different kinds and degrees of It. I had a conversation with one of my Readers awhile ago, or maybe I posted about this, not sure. I love people. Or more specifically, all of mankind. If that makes more sense. I think that makes me a little different than most people. Generally a person grows to love other people as he or she gets to know them, or not, if that be the case. I start out loving people and then as I get to know them, the love I feel either deepens or decreases or ceases or develops into a different kind of love. There are good and bad things about the way I love. It tends to make one more trusting than one should maybe be. It may blind one to things that one should maybe not be blind to. It can make one a prime target for a broken heart or two. But I think the good stuff outweighs the bad overall. It makes me a good listener because I truly care what people have to say. It makes me more empathetic, which is probly why I cry so often, so maybe that's not such a good thing... It lets me see a person in their best light a lot of the time. It just plain feels better, I'm guessing. The way I see it, we're all in this together, and what is the sense of spending a lot of time causing trouble for each other or wasting time looking for reasons to dislike people? Don't get me wrong, if there is someone I just plain don't like, for whatever reason, I will admit it. I can criticize with the best. I'm not one of those people, though, who badmouth everybody and their brother and then profess to be all Christian-y. I try very hard to spend time with and give my attention to the people in my life that I do love and care aboot and don't concern myself with "people with agendas". I try to make sure the people in my life know exactly how I feel aboot them. That's always been important to me, if for no other reason than the fact that you just never know what the day will bring and you could lose someone very dear to you. I would not want to regret not having told someone how I felt aboot them after it was too late. If for some reason I have overlooked telling you how I feel aboot you, ask me and I'll tell you.

I'm overtired, haven't been sleeping like I should. This post was lame and I apologize. I need to go do some stuff so I can go to bed. G' Night.

THESE DAYS (continued)

I am now going to attempt to recollect the balance of my post that was lost yesterday due to ineptitude. I will not venture to determine whose. I just know it wasn't mine this time.

I believe I was discussing people's negative reaction to the mention of the word "blog"...

...One comment made was this-"I don't want the whole world to know my business." I did not even attempt to address this. The speaker obviously is not the ego-maniacal narcissistic radical flake with delusions of grandeur and tendencies toward exhibitionism that I must surely be. I blog. Therefore I am ;-) And do.

Another comment- "I could never type my feelings on a computer." I thought she meant that she would have a hard time translating her feelings into words. Or maybe she was typing-challenged. When in actuality, as she went on to explain- she only ever wrote her feelings down in pencil so that they could be erased later. Hmmm... I don't have a degree in that field so I'm not even going to go there.

I'm at the other end of the spectrum, I guess. I want and need to leave something behind. I have journals galore, diaries from when I was 12. Someday I want my kids and their kids to want to know what I thought aboot, how I felt aboot things. Like why I spell about like that.

Before my father died, I sat down with him on many occasions and asked him to tell me everything he could remember about his childhood and family memories. I wrote everything he told me and will pass that information down to my kids. My favorite uncle died last year and left me his journals and a Toyota. (honest.) I couldn't tell you which is more appreciated. Now that my dad is gone, I can't tell you how many hundreds of times I have wondered about things that only he could tell me about.

Recently JuJu and my sister both gifted me with wonderful books to record life experiences in for sharing. I was totally flattered that both of them thought that I had things worthwhile to say about my life. I gave one to my mother a few years ago and encourage her to write in it often. It will be great to read it one day.

Ok. You have to believe me when I tell you I was way more prolific and interesting and witty yesterday morning. I think what I lost was some of my very best writing to date. That is saying something, believe me. I was so pleased when I finished that post. (insert pouty face here)

C'est la Vie.

For some reason I have started biting my fingernails. Yeah, that's weird. And a bit disturbing considering that I have a banquet to attend on Saturday night and was planning to look really good. Till now my big decision was whether to wear a skirt or slacks. Now I have to decide if I should wear gloves or something with pockets...

Have a really good day. Good Night. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

THESE DAYS

I am finding that working nights has necessitated paring down certain aspects of my life that I'm not terribly comfortable with. Seems that I only have time for working and sleeping and eating and a few other necessary tasks. I imagine that once I become accustomed to this new schedule I will find ways to fit in more in my day but as of now, it is rather frustrating. One thing that has been affected is my time here. I find that I'm dashing off posts that are just last-minute jabber or perfunctory entries so that I can say "I posted today." I think I posted aboot this a month or so ago and I remember Simon commenting that quality always wins out over quantity. I didn't listen to him did I? I just sincerely wish I had more time to devote to my writing here. JeffA did a neat post recently aboot a drugstore as he remembered it from his childhood. That is the kind of post that I would enjoy writing. I have tons of childhood memories and experiences that I'd like to chronicle. Whether or not you, Reader, would enjoy reading that sort of thing, means something to me but I'm sure if I put it up for your discretion, you would all say "It's your Blog Linda, write what you want to write. " (Because you're all so caring and wonderfully supportive friends). But I guess that is a non-issue because right now I barely have time to write what I don't even want to write aboot.

Speaking of Blogging. First let me give you a rough idea of the mentality (for lack of a better word) of the people in the area where I live. It is not a terribly advanced part of the country. There are probably as many tractors per square mile as there are computers. Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. A bit... Anyway, I'm amused that if I mention a Blog or Blogging, I either have to define what it means or witness an aghast look and deal with the feeling as if I had just admitted to having a highly-communicable STD. (And then of course having to explain what an STD is.) Why is it that Blogging has such negative connotations? One comment m

I'm sorry, this post was way long but I got booted offline or something and this is all the more of my post that I could recover. I thought I lost the whole thing and I was thoroughly pissed. Now I am just moderately pissed. I need to go to sleep badly or I would finish this now. Dammit.

FOOTSTEPS

Good Morning or afternoon or whatever the heck... My sleeping has been so screwed up this weekend, I don't know if it's night or day. I have to rely on the Sun and Moon to keep me straight.

Something a little weird and eerie happened to me last night. It was actually around 5 this morning. I had been on here and Poopy had fallen asleep on the couch downstairs. I decided to shower and go to bed. When I got out of the shower and was drying off, I heard Poopy come upstairs. I wondered if he was going to bed or what. I called to him but he didn't hear me. I then heard the keyboard tray-thing being pulled out and some clicking and thought that Poop was checking eBay or playing Solitaire. I finished my "routine" in the bathroom which consists of a lot of moisturizing and crap like that. The light in the computer room was not on so I decided that he must have gone to bed and I just didn't hear him. But the bedroom door was open, unusual for him. He was not in bed. I wondered how he could have gone back downstairs without my having heard him.

So then I went down stairs. Poopy had just woken up and was sitting up on the couch. He had not been upstairs at all. There is no one else living in our house. That I know of...

Something else strange happened a couple hours ago but it's funny.

At Poopy's request I have started playing the radio in the guestroom where I have been sleeping so that we don't disturb each other's sleep. He thinks that it will buffer any noise he might make when I'm sleeping. I have it at a barely audible level. I can ignore it or if I listen carefully, I can make out lyrics.

Anyway, when I went to bed around 5am I set my alarm for noon. Around 10am I found myself banging on my alarm to shut it off. You know that delerial state you're in when you're just waking? Keep that in mind... I'm drifting in and out and finally start to wonder why the alarm won't shut off. Turns out, Oye Como Va by Santana is on the radio. That dunt, dunt... dunt, dunt... dunt, dunt... beat in the song is the same as the sound my alarm clock makes and I was trying to turn it off. Ha! So then I tossed and turned for the next two hours because I can't quite get it through my thick head that if I drink more than one glass of wine (Thanks JuJu) that my hot flashes increase dramatically during sleep...

THINGS...

... you find yourself doing at 4 in the morning when all the rest of the sane population is alseep and dreaming...

• Wondering what you did to deserve being up at 4 when all ... asleep and dreaming.
• Spend ten minutes trying to find the exact, perfect height adjustment for your computer chair.
• Start a list of Things to Take to the Vineyard in June.
• Look at your new haircut in the mirror and think, maybe this will look better in the daylight.
• Scrounge through all your earthly belongings looking for ideas for Jeff's Photo Scavenger Hunt.
• Eat a bowl of maple brown sugar oatmeal, a stick of string cheese and a handful of mixed nuts.
• Check out what P-Do is watching on tv (not interesting...).
• Check to see if it's snowing.
• Consider exercising. Go so far as to choose cd for the event and then decide, nah, if I decide to go to bed, I'll be too wide awake.
• Check to see if any other loonies are online. Find that none of my contacts are loonies. I guess that's a good thing...
• Read some blogs. Check email. Consider answering mail. Play 3 games of Spider Solitaire instead.
• Decide to go to bed. What a sad life I lead!

( Instead I spent 45 minutes browsing JuJu's Flickr pics. Smiling now...)

MY LITTLE PROBLEM

My f---ing computer is acting like a complete f---ing a--hole today for some reason and I'm getting more pissed off by the minute. I'm getting off here before I throw something more than a hissy. There is a new tool bar on MS Internet Explorer that wasn't there last night. Tell me how to get rid of the thing, I don't want it here. It takes up too much room and it's ugly and I didn't ask for it!!! GRRRRRRRR. Guess this is all you're going to hear from me today unless this straightens out. Hi Everybody, Bye Everybody! (It took me TEN minutes to get into Dashboard and type this!!!) If I publish this now (7:40 am) you MIGHT be able to read it on your lunch hour...

Update: Took care of it and am in a calmer state now. I have a zillion things to do today. If I get time, I will post later. Or not. It is now almost 6pm and I have been up for 24 hours :-Þ

JOHNNY'S GONNA DIE

Here are some interesting facts from actuarial tables prepared by the life insurance industry to predict mortality rates:

• Overweight people have a markedly lower suicide rate while underweight people generally lead longer lives.
• Being in a stable relationship is healthier than living alone.
• The wealthy live longer.
• Nearsighted people are unusually prone to anxiety.
• Severe drunkeness once a month doubles the risk of mortality.
• Those involved in kinky sex are more likely to die violently or to commit suicide.
• Fearful people are more likely to have blood-clotting problems.
• As for insurability, farmers, college professors and Anglican ministers are extremely good risks.

Just thought I'd share because I found these facts a bit weird, imagining that our health and life insurance premiums are based on shit like this... I've personally never been questioned when purchasing a policy if I am near-sighted, fearful, in a stable relationship OR a practitioner of any kind of sex, kinky or otherwise. Go figure.

I guess it's pretty obvious if you're still reading that I don't have a certain topic in mind today. Might be the beginning of a phase... I always worried this would happen, but never right after a short hiatus. If anything, I should be brimming with ideas to write aboot. The Dreaded Writer's Block! Dah- dah- dah Dum! Oh wait, you have to be an actual writer to suffer from a writer's scourge. Phew! That was a close one.

You know what I'm going to blame it on? The Moon and it's tidal influences on my body. For the past three nights, the Moon has been huge and following me around. There can't be a full moon three nights in a row, can there? Sure looked like it.

So anyway, leave me a note and tell me what might be interesting. No Way am I going to ask you to ask me questions. Only two people last time wanted to know anything aboot me at all and that was humiliating. And tell me the music you're listening to lately. I'm going to do a music post but my music tends toward the un-mainstream and I don't want to bore y'all.

I'm outta here. Have a good day :-)

LEARN HOW TO FALL

I get very introspective when a birthday happens. I was thinking this morning aboot things I've learned over the years and in particular, this past year. It has truly been an eye-opening trip from 49 to 50. Some lessons came aboot slowly (due to density on my part); some were simple "lightbulb moments," while others sneaked/snuck (?) up on me and kicked me in the ass. There are still others that are lurking around in the background waiting for me to take notice. I will share some of the biggies with you from this paralaxical period in my life. Don't bother looking that up, I think I made it up.

Linda's Long List of Lessons Learned Lately

(Wait, I lost it, let me look and see if I can locate it, lest it be lost...)

Oh, Looky! I located my Lost List. Let's look at the list.

• Other people always have their own crosses to bear, so be nice.
• Always carry a spare key.
• A $45 haircut is not necessarily better than a $15 haircut.
• Don't sneeze if you have to pee.
• The heart's capacity for love is boundless, and there are more kinds of love than you can shake a stick at.
• Love transcends distance, time, age, sex, social class, race, illness, most everything.
• Everything has a good and a bad side.
• Winks are happy things.
• If you can still laugh, you're ok.
• You are only as old as the age you are in your heart.
• Children are the world's most precious gifts.
• It only takes 2.4 weeks to become totally, irreversibly addicted to the caffeine in 5+ cups of coffee per day.
• You NEVER get used to hot flashes.
• If your heart speaks louder than your head, turn up the volume in your head and then go with your heart.
• A life without music is empty indeed.
• Sometimes it's too late to change your mind.
• Dancing is excellent exercise.
• Sleeping alone, while often more comfortable, is still sleeping alone.
• Good friends are as necessary as they are priceless.
• A harsh word spoken cannot be erased.
• It's f---ing hard to quit smoking.
• If a dress looks too short in the store, it's not going to look any longer when you get it home.
• Very few promises are truly keepable.
• Only Mensa Members should own iPods.
• Blogging with Bullets is "coo".

Those are the few that came to mind but I'm learning all the time. Too bad I'll forget it all when I enter the second and third stages of "Some-heimers."

My good friend Mike wrote some nice words in honor of my birthday. He took the time, maybe we should run over and say "Hey."

"Learn as though you would never be able to master it; hold it as though you would be in fear of losing it." - Confucius

DARLIN' ONE

Go here. Am I the luckiest Mom in the world, or what??? I am.

BIRTHDAY GAL

I really didn't want to talk aboot my birthday today, but seeing as how lately my life consists of merely sleeping and working, there isn't much else happening for me to share with you. Thank you all sincerely for all your happy wishes.

As I probly mentioned, I had an excellent weekend with JuJu and Co. She took me to one of my favorite places to eat for a birthday lunch, Ruby Tuesday's. I ate (happily) until I had to unsnap my jeans... And JuJu gives great presents. I also got a great Nana card with an exquisitely decorated envelope featuring Batman, Cat Woman, the Joker, the Penguin and a character I was heretofore unfamiliar with, Mr. Freeze. Excellent artwork!.

The greatest thing aboot birthdays is that I'm reminded of how many really great friends I have and how much love there is in my life. Before 7am today I had a huge pile of cards and gifts just from friends at work. Then I came home and had email wishes galore. I don't know what I ever did to deserve so many special people caring aboot me. But it feels really good.

The other thing aboot birthdays- or more specifically, turning the Big 5-OH, is the abuse... ;-) It started aboot 2 seconds after midnight at work last night. I haven't laughed so hard in awhile. I must be really fun to make fun of because we all had a really good time.

Poopy is treating me to dinner later in the week. I didn't want to have to rush around on a work night so we'll wait for the weekend. And I'll be spending my Birthday Consolation Week at Martha's Vineyard in June. Can hardly wait for that. There will be 4 of us (just the "girls") all newly-50 (God that sounds like the other side of the coin from Girls Gone Wild, don't it???) tearing up the island for 7 whole days and nights. And we already agreed, "What happens at the Vineyard stays at the Vineyard." Mwah- ha- ha! And NO we are NOT wearing purple dresses and red hats. Get away from me!

Ok, I'm ROE now (my new anacronym for 50-somethings meaning Running On Empty) so I'm going to sleep. How depressing, sleeping a birthday away... I always ask for a sunny day for my birthday but that doesn't look like a possibility. (But I did get a spectacular full moon last night.) So it looks like a good day for sleeping anyway.

Y'all have a good day. Oh! Jeff! Giant Eagle has Black Cherry Vanilla Coke on sale this week!

"One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible." - Henry Brooks Adams.

KNOCKIN' ON MINE

Hey. Don't get excited, it's just me. Back from the trenches. No, seriously, I had a very nice weekend with my daughter Jenny and her two lovely children. Was good for my head and soul.

Thanks for waiting for me. I had lots of dancin' time with 10-month-old Maddie. Julian, who's six, let me transcribe for him a wonderful story he made up aboot Batman and Spiderman and some bank robbers. Jenny and I caught up on our Mother/Daughter stuff and I enjoyed that immensely.

Mon Mar 13: Building Bridges
Work is kind of pesky, but with the Moon in your seventh house of partnerships today, this is a good time to work on building relationship bridges. Don't let your planning be hampered by seeking perfection. While the Fish is often the most compassionate of all the signs, sometimes the reality of another is lost on you. Open your heart and mind to experiencing your significant others as they are and not how you enjoy imagining them to be.

Seems now, after a fun weekend, that I must get busy and do some serious construction, according to my horoscope. I don't know if I'm ready for that. Bridges? The only Bridges I know anything about are situated in Madison County. And there's Jeff Bridges, a pretty decent actor. And I have a cd of his. He should really stick to the big screen, imho. Oh, relationship bridges. Is that like "Hey, I'm over here! And you're way over there! And what's all this water doing between us? You say you can't swim? Well, the water's a bit cold for me. Nah, don't really feel like donning a hard hat today. How be one of us hop on the ferry? Or better yet, just drive around! How aboot we meet halfway? Sounds like a plan to me. Really not in the mood for rebar and concrete today. And I'd have to decide between suspension and the other kind, covered or not covered. Too many decisions. And don't let my planning be hampered by perfection? No Dice.

I'm going to have to do a music post soon. The past two weekends have been heavy music-buying days for me and I have aboot 15 new cds. I've broken out probly 6 or 7 of them and I don't want to get too far behind discussing them with you. Maybe later in the week. I surprised the hell out of myself yesterday. You see, I cannot listen to jazz. Never could. It makes me jittery and uncomfortable. But on a recommendation I checked out a band that would definitely fall into that category. Not only did it not make me crawl out of my skin, I actually liked it. Wonders never cease. See, that's one of the great things aboot getting older, oh wait. There are no good things about getting older. Forgot. Anyway, I learned something new about me.

Gee, I thought I'd have lots to say after not writing for these days. Oh well.

Have a good day.

"The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it." - Carl Jung

CALL THAT GONE?

Good Morning :-) The birds are singing outside and I think that is just fine...

I am going to take some time off for a few days; off work, off blog, off planet maybe. Need to get my head in a better place and give it a rest. Some may argue that you have to actually use something, even to a degree of excess, before giving it a rest. Pooh.

My internal clock is showing signs approaching FUBAR. It is officially Be Kind to Me time. I can't totally extricate myself, I'll look in on y'all. Just don't you feel obligated to look in on me. And please don't expect me to return all fresh and re-newed like. That's too much pressure.

K, so some of you will miss me. The rest of you, well, you will, you just don't know it yet.

Be well and safe and have a good weekend.

"Greater things are believed of those who are absent." - Tacitus

ALTERNATIVE MONKEY

I'm cheating today. I'm tired, preoccupied and not feeling very wordy. But I don't want you to feel unsatisfied leaving here. Again...
So do this for me, if you haven't already; Go read Chris and laugh like I did, only don't snort, you might wake up Poopy Doo. And then have a good day. If you feel like it, leave me a commonkey. I mean comment. I'm up a tree waiting. Or going bananas. Or just overtired. Yeah, that's it. Overtired.

Ok, screw it. My link didn't work :-Þ Click on Rude Cactus and read Welcome to the Jungle. Dammit.

DICE BEHIND YOUR SHADES

I could never figure out this title or the meaning of the song but I needed a sunglasses reference here so I guess this will do...

Crikey, the sunrise was breath-taking this morning. It was soooo pink it was almost red. And if that wasn't enough of a treat in itself, after I turned a bend in the road and had my back to the sunrise, I looked at a house that sits way off in the distance on top of a hill. All the windows were reflecting the red sky and it was wild. Looked like the inside of the house was glowing. Didn't look like fire because it wasn't orangy. Just looked glowing. Cool.

Hope you didn't come here looking for me dishing on the Oscars, haven't watched it yet. PeeDo taped it for me and I will put watching it on my list of Things to Do later this week. Ha ha.

Picked up a magazine to read this morning while winding down from work. The cover boasted these articles inside: The 15 Guys You'll Date and Dump Before You're 30. (No need to read that.) Nine Ways to Make your Apartment Bigger. (No need to read that, I live in a monstrosity as it is.) Instant Beauty- Get Dewy Skin, Sex-kitten hair and Lips that Stay up All Night. (No need to read that, my skin tends to be oily which can pass for dewy on a good day, my lips stay up all night with the rest of my body, most times any way. I might check out the sex-kitten hair thing though, Justin Case...) Have Fun and Get Fit- Party Your Way to a Better Butt (Definitely read this!) and 5 Women Like You who are Changing the World (Like me? What? Be serious!) Probably wasted good money on this 'zine. Although, if it convinces me that I can party my way to a better butt... I hope it doesn't involve a tabletop, sequins and a lot of shaking. My balance has been a bit off lately. And I don't have time for a trip to the ER.

You know, dammit, bullets would have come in handy for that last paragraph and I've gotten really good at using them. They are nowhere to be found on my toolbar today for some reason. WTF? Now I don't remember the last time I noticed them there.

Work was a bit stressful last night. A couple people from dayshift have come to the nightshift. First let me back up and tell you what is so great aboot the nightshift. It's QUIET. Well, one of these "newbies" NEVER SHUT UP for more than 10 minutes at a time ALL NIGHT. My jaw hurts from clenching my teeth all night. And she works in the middle of the room and her voice is, well, LOUD. And it was like she was talking to anyone who would listen, no one was really talking back to her because WE ALL LIKE HOW QUIET the nightshift is. Well, WAS. Grrrrrr...

I keep forgetting to wish a Happy 45th Birthday to the Peace Corps. If I get on their good side, do you think maybe they might stop over to my place of employment and reinstate the PEACE???

"Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much." - John Wayne. (Gotta love that man.)

WHAT A DAY FOR A NIGHT

I went to bed at 5:00 this morning, got up once to take an antibiotic at 5pm, went back to sleep and just got up now at 8:00 pm. A whole freakin' day wasted... Consequently, I have nothing to share today. Poopy Do popped in a tape to record the Academy Awards tonight which may or may not get watched in the days to come.
I do however, have one thing to say; Go see Simon and read the incredible story of the birth of his new beautiful baby boy, Tavish.
Have a good one and I'll see you here tomorrow...

"My sun sets to rise again." - Robert Browning

NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE III

Before I commence with my rambling, you need to go over to see Simon and check out his wonderful news.

In additon to the other advantages of being my age and discovering all these new fun things aboot me, I'm finding that the clarity of my thinking is improved. I attribute that to the fact that more things are making sense to me as I continue to look at life in new ways. I am one of those people who cannot learn or retain something unless it does make perfect sense to me. With this awareness I seem to be able better to grasp the whole picture and, wasting less time trying to figure out what I'm seeing, I'm more apt to appreciate and enjoy things for what they are. For example: people. When I meet new people I like to tear them apart and analyze them in my head. I look to see where they've come from (and I don't necessarily mean geographically) and how that affects who they are. Things like family life, birth order, circumstances that have helped build their character. It makes me appreciate them more or on the other hand, maybe not take them so seriously. It's kind of my way of cutting through the crap. It frees me up to just enjoy a person's personality and what they have to contribute. I think I am also more accepting of faults and reputations that might cloud other's perceptions of people. I never have been one to classify people into categories. We're all human. Some of us have been luckier than others, some have had more opportunities. You can't look at someone on the street or even everyday at the office and know the kinds of struggles and obstacles they have had to overcome. With this appreciation of others also comes empathy, which is, and always has been, a blessing and a curse for me. I'm learning to see it as more of a gift these days.

Speaking of gifts, I want to share something a friend had said to me one day that really stuck with me. He feels that our talents are gifts from God that we can use to amuse ourselves. That's exactly what they are but I had never looked at it quite like that... I am becoming more and more aware of the need to utilize my gifts, if not just to amuse myself, then to merely not be wasting them.

Which brings me to another new revelation, if you will. I feel this profound sense of urgency. It's not necessarily a good feeling but I'm working on ways to use it to my advantage. I'm not thinking it's so much connected with menopause as it is simply with getting older. I'm terrified of missing something. I feel like I only have an alloted amount of time left and need to cram everything I can into that time frame. Sometimes it sneaks up and smacks me in the back of the head. Sometimes it puts its grimy paws around my throat and squeezes until I can't breathe. It reminds me of all the time that I've wasted over the years and makes me look long and hard at myself. It reminds me that maybe that skirt is a little too short and needs to be donated to the Goodwill. It says to me "You gotta put more cash into your retirement account! Now!" In general, it's a royal pain in the ass. But sometimes it's my friend. Like just this very moment when it forced me to look up its/it's in the dictionary. I'm 10 days short of 50 and should know by now which is which. So now I know... And it makes sense so I will remember; the one with the apostrophe is the contraction. Duh. I feel stupid now but is that going to bother me? Nah. I'm almost 50 and I'm F---ing Fearless! (How was that for alliteration, Simon?)

I need one more paragraph and then I think "I Never Felt Like This Before" will be complete. There is another facet of my present life that has given me oodles of gratification, amusement, insight and self-confidence. That is this, here. The place I come to talk and share with you. The place that awards me a voice. Whether it is to vent or brag or pour my heart out, whatever. And I feel heard and accepted and when you feel the need to comment, validated. That might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people but it is to me. I know I come off like a smart ass a lot of the time and I bitch and whine and condemn and make fun. That's usually just for affect. I'm really a softie and my intentions are (usually!) always good. I can't believe I tole you that and I'll never reference it again. This will be deleted out if you come on here tomorrow!!! But seriously, it makes me feel way good that you come here. I assume that it is because you care what I have to say.

"Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force." - Dorothy Sayers

(STILL) NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE...

So I'm driving to work last night and my thoughts were centered on what I would write aboot today in this Part Deux of my post. Radio blaring as usual, Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love rings out. Crank volume, this is a sing-along. Not halfway through the song I'm laughing my ass off.

Your lights are on, but you're not home. Your mind is not your own. Your heart sweats, your body shakes... You can't sleep, you can't eat. There's no doubt, you're in deep... Your throat is tight, you can't breathe... You're gonna have to face it... You see the signs, but you can't read. You're runnin' at a different speed. You heart beats in double time... a one track mind. You can't be saved. Oblivion is all you crave... You're gonna have to face it, Menopause...

He was singing the symptoms that every woman my age is struggling with daily, nightly and every time in between. Robert Palmer is confusing an Addiction to Love with Menopause! Or I was confusing menopause with an addiction to love. Hmmm, that kind of puts a new twist on things...

Anyway, I wanted to share with you my present state of mind and the changes I've gone through in recent months. I'm actually excited to be writing this, I don't know if I mentioned that. It's almost like I've reached a plateau in my life and everything up to now was leading me to this point. I don't know if any men can identify with any of this. It's often said that men go through a mid-life crisis, whether or not it's comparable, you'll have to tell me. I don't consider my experience of late to be a crisis but more of a heightened state of awareness. I never could identify with that term before. I thought you had to hang out with a guru or hike through the Andes in Nepal to achieve such a state.

There's a kind of relaxation that moves in when your kids move out. Not to say any ties are severed, you worry aboot and love your kids no matter where they are. But there's a relief when you realize that you've trained them to face their responsibilites and to take care of themselves. That realization affords a woman (mother)the ability to concentrate more on her own needs and provides a time for introspection and self-realization. I really believe though, that you have to be positive in this respect.

I am fortunate to have a loving, caring Poopy Do who supports my choices and allows me my whims and idiosyncrasies. That's always a plus. That, in itself has helped me to appreciate my individuality. There was a time in my life that I just felt different and apart from the norm. Lately I've learned that those very qualities that set me apart were favors, if you will. I no longer feel that need to fit in but enjoy being myself and enjoy my own company. I even amuse the heck out of myself sometimes. If I think I'm funny and nobody else laughs, screw them. Might sound like an egotistical attitude but it's not. If I screw up, I screw up. Not the end of the world. My faults help me learn. Can't ever stop learning. A bad hair day or a new zit are no longer debilitating.

It's taken me 49 years to accept my appearance. (Damn if I'm not losing it now to wrinkles and sagging and all that shit.) Always was too skinny by society's standards but now I appreciate that I'm not that saggy and overweight. I guess what I'm trying to portray here is a sense of acceptance of self that is new and way appreciated. I'm growing comfortable in my skin. I'm exercising now which is more an attempt to retain some semblance of youth but nonetheless, is good for my mind and body.

A lot of this has just slowly developed but I can see that I need to invest some work in some other areas. I have huge bursts of creativity now and then that need badly to be satisfied. I have neglected my art to the point of sinfulness. I need to make time for that and start some projects when time allows. It's one of those things that got shoved aside when life and responsibilities took over.

Well, I see that we are now looking at the distinct probability of Part Tres at least. JeffA, if you're still with me, I apologize. I know how impatient you are...

But I need sleep. Y'all have a good day while I'm snoozin'. And have a great weekend.

NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE

(Can anybody believe that I'm still using Replacement's song titles exclusively??? Isn't that cool?)

Just sitting here enjoying my before-bed coffee (shut up) and girlscoutcookies (Samoas to be exact). Read my daily blogroll and am now going to let out a post that I've been carrying around in my little head for sometime now. Why I picked today to spill? No clue. Just felt right I guess.

As you well know by now, I'm turning 50 in a couple of weeks. From that bit of information, you may surmise that I am knee-deep in that part of a woman's life that, well, let's just say that some changes are taking place. And not so much physical as in other ways. I remember a few years ago reading a book called The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup, MD. She talked about this part of a woman's life in a positive way that actually had me looking forward to a time in my life that most women dread like the Plague. She talked aboot a lot of things that I honestly hadn't given much thought at the time because I couldn't identify but now some things are happening with me that have reminded me what I'd read and now it's real. And she was right.

I'm guessing that I've lost the bigger part of my Readership at the beginning of the above paragraph. If you're still here, hang on. Your wife will be at this point if she isn't already. I might provide some insight that will keep you from institutionalizing her and save you a pretty penny in the long run... And if you can work through it with her, I think you'll enjoy the outcome. Although my case may not be the norm. (Surprise!) I've tried sharing and discussing what I'm going to tell you with some friends my age and they just kind of look at me blankly and nod and shrug. But maybe I've planted a seed in their heads that might help them approach this time in their lives in a more positive way.

I can see now that this is going to be a 2-part post, there's more in my head than I thought.

Remembering what Dr. Northrup pointed out, a woman in her fifties normally has raised her children and trained her husband (I made up that second part) and is finally able to concentrate on herself and her needs which may have been secondary for the better part of her adult life. Sadly, this is also a time when married couples take a long, hard look at each other without the benefit of children's heads and needs blocking the view and they find that they have grown apart or have had nothing but children to share for the past two decades or so. At any rate, a woman who now can concentrate on her own needs and desires is something to behold. Forget that she's got hormones like bumper cars crashing haphazardly 24/7 and causing any "normal" woman to wonder "What in God's name is happening to me???" The mind goes a bit askew, the body does whatever the hell it pleases and we are supposed to carry on our daily routine. You can't sleep, your appetite changes, your husband has taken up looking at nubile twenty-somethings and all the while your face is breaking out like (or worse than, in my case) you were 14 again. You're wondering by now, ok, where is the positive in all this? I'm going to be downright ignorant and tell you now that I'm going to go to bed now and finish this post later or tomorrow. I'm sorry. I'm menopausal and it's my prerogative. I've been up all night working my ass off and chances are, you haven't. Get over it.

Sometimes I come off like a real hard ass. I hope you all know it's just an act. And hormones.