(STILL) NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE...

So I'm driving to work last night and my thoughts were centered on what I would write aboot today in this Part Deux of my post. Radio blaring as usual, Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love rings out. Crank volume, this is a sing-along. Not halfway through the song I'm laughing my ass off.

Your lights are on, but you're not home. Your mind is not your own. Your heart sweats, your body shakes... You can't sleep, you can't eat. There's no doubt, you're in deep... Your throat is tight, you can't breathe... You're gonna have to face it... You see the signs, but you can't read. You're runnin' at a different speed. You heart beats in double time... a one track mind. You can't be saved. Oblivion is all you crave... You're gonna have to face it, Menopause...

He was singing the symptoms that every woman my age is struggling with daily, nightly and every time in between. Robert Palmer is confusing an Addiction to Love with Menopause! Or I was confusing menopause with an addiction to love. Hmmm, that kind of puts a new twist on things...

Anyway, I wanted to share with you my present state of mind and the changes I've gone through in recent months. I'm actually excited to be writing this, I don't know if I mentioned that. It's almost like I've reached a plateau in my life and everything up to now was leading me to this point. I don't know if any men can identify with any of this. It's often said that men go through a mid-life crisis, whether or not it's comparable, you'll have to tell me. I don't consider my experience of late to be a crisis but more of a heightened state of awareness. I never could identify with that term before. I thought you had to hang out with a guru or hike through the Andes in Nepal to achieve such a state.

There's a kind of relaxation that moves in when your kids move out. Not to say any ties are severed, you worry aboot and love your kids no matter where they are. But there's a relief when you realize that you've trained them to face their responsibilites and to take care of themselves. That realization affords a woman (mother)the ability to concentrate more on her own needs and provides a time for introspection and self-realization. I really believe though, that you have to be positive in this respect.

I am fortunate to have a loving, caring Poopy Do who supports my choices and allows me my whims and idiosyncrasies. That's always a plus. That, in itself has helped me to appreciate my individuality. There was a time in my life that I just felt different and apart from the norm. Lately I've learned that those very qualities that set me apart were favors, if you will. I no longer feel that need to fit in but enjoy being myself and enjoy my own company. I even amuse the heck out of myself sometimes. If I think I'm funny and nobody else laughs, screw them. Might sound like an egotistical attitude but it's not. If I screw up, I screw up. Not the end of the world. My faults help me learn. Can't ever stop learning. A bad hair day or a new zit are no longer debilitating.

It's taken me 49 years to accept my appearance. (Damn if I'm not losing it now to wrinkles and sagging and all that shit.) Always was too skinny by society's standards but now I appreciate that I'm not that saggy and overweight. I guess what I'm trying to portray here is a sense of acceptance of self that is new and way appreciated. I'm growing comfortable in my skin. I'm exercising now which is more an attempt to retain some semblance of youth but nonetheless, is good for my mind and body.

A lot of this has just slowly developed but I can see that I need to invest some work in some other areas. I have huge bursts of creativity now and then that need badly to be satisfied. I have neglected my art to the point of sinfulness. I need to make time for that and start some projects when time allows. It's one of those things that got shoved aside when life and responsibilities took over.

Well, I see that we are now looking at the distinct probability of Part Tres at least. JeffA, if you're still with me, I apologize. I know how impatient you are...

But I need sleep. Y'all have a good day while I'm snoozin'. And have a great weekend.