TIME FOR PAYBACKS!

Everybody gather around and see what I got you for Christmas. Shopping with no restrictions was so much fun! It's fun and easy to shop when you don't have to work within a budget and the sky's the limit.

I'm enjoying the virtual gifts from each of you. You were all so generous! Thank you so much.

Now Natalie, you were fun to shop for. I went to Spencer's and bought you something for everyday of the year to make you laugh. Not just laugh, but the way you and I used to laugh at work everyday- to the point of tears and sore stomach muscles. And then I ran into Bon-Ton and picked out the most beautiful blue cardigan I could find. I was going to knit one for you but who the h--- has that kind of time???

Mark, I'm enjoying the cd, that was so nice and thoughtful of you. I hope you like your gift. It's a recording studio with aboot a gazillion technologically advanced gadgets so that you can play and make noise until the cows come home. Moo.

Jeff, thanks for the Coke. It wasn't easy and I had to pull a few strings but I got you a new knee. It had to be back-ordered, but that's ok because now you have time to tell me what color you want. They have flourescent pink, green and orange. There's a lifetime warranty and it's completely waterproof. (All joking aside, if I could, that is what I would want to give you.)

Cas, how thoughtful your gift was. And it brings out the green in my eyes... I found the perfect gift for you yesterday in Peebles. It's a scarf made completely of little mink balls. And by that I mean balls of mink fur. (I hate to think what all the rest of you were thinking.) But it's so soft and pretty and expensive-looking. I hope you like it. I'd say it goes with everything...

Oh, Simon. What a gift! I will get plenty of use out of that. And I understand completely the risk of abuse and will behave accordingly. Thanks! I'll get you a T-shirt. But that's not your gift. First thing I thought to get you was an iPod. But I decided instead to give you unlimited Flyer Miles on the airline of your choice. When you and Amy want to spend grown-up time, you can just whisk Tav and Dex down here to Aunt Linda's and have yourself a weekender. Selfish gift, I know. I'll throw in the iPod to make up for that detail.

Mokshazzam, thank you! Very thoughtful gift. You're feeding my vices. I'm not going to return the favor (that would make me an enabler) but I found a way to make Norah's childhood last twice as long. There may be times now and then that you'll curse me, but considering the big picture, you'll appreciate it immensely.

TC, thanks man. I had a helluva Bash with all the B stuff. But one thing, you forgot the Boys. So I borrowed some. For you, I tracked down a publisher. I know maybe you'd never thought of writing for the whole world, but you're good at it and I think everybody should know. She's yours for as long as you need her and when you're famous, please remember us back here. ;-) And since you always make me laugh, I got you a bottomless refrigerator that will always be full of brew. Don't drink and drive, Dude.

Now that was my best shopping trip so far. No crowds, no parking headaches, didn't have to change out of sweatpants. The wrapping took up no room at all, I got no papercuts and didn't run out of tape. Not once. I think I might shop like this next year too, for everybody.

And for my readers who are "invisible," I know you were thinking of me and that's a gift in itself.

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