WHITE AND LAZY

My fortune cookie last night said "Your efforts have not gone unnoticed". It maybe should have said "If you had done one damn thing over the course of the past few days, maybe someone would notice." Pretty laughable, that Confuscius dude, thinking I had actually put forth some effort...

Just spent the last hour or so relishing in the wonderfulness of sitting on my porch, listening to the birds singing and basking in the light of a (full?) moon. Was it full? My calendar says no. And since when do birds sing in the dark? At any rate, was a great hour or so. I get some really good thinking done on my back porch. Was reliving some childhood memories. The air was all fresh and clean-smelling and I was thinking of life's greatest aromas, which took me back to when I was aboot 8 or 9.

My Dad decided I guess, the cheapest way to vacation with a family of 8 and a dog would be to go camping. Somewhere he got his hands on an old, two-room Army tent that would probably sleep 10-15 people. (Please keep in mind, my memory is somewhat selective and sometimes I even make up shit to make the story flow...) We started our camping experience with that tent, a huge mess of blankets and pillows, a propane stove, a lantern, a porcelain wash basin and a rug, I think. Oh, and a clothesline for wet bathing suits and towels, to be sure. Sleeping bags, cots, canopies, lawn furniture and other "luxury" amenities would follow, a few added each year.

One really strong memory I have was waking up in the tent in the mornings. There would be a chill in the air so your nose would be cold. But it was still warm and cozy under the scratchy wool blankets and sheets. The pillow would feel damp. I'm not sure if we slept in clothes or pajamas. Then all of a sudden you would realize how bad you had to pee and try hard to remember which direction the bathhouse was and how far. But you would rationalize, thinking that a couple more minutes wouldn't completely destroy the walls of your bladder. Even so, it would be worth it to stay warm a little longer. Lying there those extra minutes afforded you the experience of early morning camping sounds/smells. There would inevitably be the hushed murmuring voices of the parents outside the tent, maybe an audible curse here or there as someone would be digging through the trunk trying to find a spatula or some napkins. You could smell (hopefully) the beginnings of a campfire, the propane stove and most likely coffee brewing in a pot and some bacon, sausage and scrambled eggs. Birds would be chirping in the background. Depending on how close the campsite was to the water, maybe you would hear the drone of a boat motor or the wonderful sound of the water lapping at the bottom of a path through the trees. If you were that close to the water, you would also smell that musty, wormy smell the breeze carried up off the water. Here and there you might hear a muffled yip of some other camper's poodle or two. There were always a lot of poodles in campgrounds that I remember. Is that a breeding trait or something? "Poodles are especially adept at camping." I've yet to see one haul wood or build even a mediocre fire. Maybe their temperaments are good for scaring off bears. I don't know... Any camping poodle owners have any insight here?

But then would come the inevitable moment when you could just no longer hold "it" and you would have to throw back your covers, grab something warm, find your shoes, and hightail it outta that tent and get straight to the bathrooms. Hard part though, was always wrestling with the freakin' zippers. First, the one on the inner screen and then the one on the outside. Then of course, you had to rezip the screen, pray you make it to the bathroom on time, and then rezip the outside zipper. And run like hell! Be careful though, you didn't tie the laces on your sneakers and the grass is wet until like noon, at least. I remember too, your shoes never quite dry out when you're camping and your hair smells like campfire. There's always sand in the creases too, all the creases. And mosquito bites in all the other places. If you're lucky, no sunburn or poison ivy. In those cases, you'll also smell Noxema and calamine lotion.

Oh, and talk aboot aromas. The disinfectant used in those public bathhouses could probably wipe out of a good portion of the AIDS epidemic if it's still on the market. But you didn't spend much time in there, you wanted earnestly to get back to the campsite to hug the campfire until the sun started to warm things up. And breakfast, camping, is still one of the best-tasting meals and the best-smelling smells there are.