STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

Not even 12 hours ago I was all set to jump into a post aboot "defining moments" but since then my mind has taken a different (but not completely) direction, simply because I read two friends' blog entries and my thoughts have been detoured. I just spent the last half hour sitting on my swing on the back porch looking at the moon and thinking aboot life and all it's little twists and turns. There are only a few things that one can do at 3:20 am when one is not at work or sound asleep. I only felt up to two; swinging on the back porch or blogging. They kind of flowed into each other.

One post I read was Jeff's. It just so happened that today my doctor brought up the possibility that I may be depressed. Wha???? was my reaction. Me? Nah... Depending on what may show up in my bloodwork, she said we may want to consider the possibility. "You do realize that you sat here in September and cited quite a few of these same symptoms?" No I did not realize that. At the time, we attributed alot of my feelings to going through menopause. She prescribed a medication for me then that, although it was an anti-depressant, she had good luck treating menopausal symptoms with it. Funny, now, I realize that it is no longer doing anything for my hot flashes, etc., it must also be falling short in the depression department. I told her I didn't see any reason to continue taking it but she was reluctant to have me stop and suggested we wait and see what my bloodwork shows. Facing the possibility that I may be depressed and knowing what I do aboot depression, having been married to my first husband for 15 years, who was bi-polar, this is as disturbing to me as the length of this run-on sentence. But I will just keep on keeping on until I see what the blood tells.

What I just spent time thinking aboot with my friend Mr. Moon was this- How life gets so crazy that we find ourselves addressing only the absolutely neccessary things in our daily routine and neglecting people and things which are important to us. I get very envious of people who do not have to go to a job everyday. When you take into consideration that you work give-or-take 8 hours, figure in an hour for travel and getting ready to go; if you're lucky, 8 hours of sleep. On top of that, grocery shopping, meal preparation, household chores, laundry, financial responsibilities, etc., etc., and Blogging and email obligations ;-) yes that's important too! how much time do you have left in a day??? Mine adds up to ZERO hours left. And this must be bothering me way more than I originally thought because when a big old black cloud appeared and took away my Mr. Moon audience, I found myself in tears and feeling really, really lost and alone. Which then started me thinking how each of our lives, the lives of every human being on this earth, are so completely different and unique. Even as tightly intertwined as Poopy's life is with mine, our lives are soooo different. It's amazing to me that the earth is still spinning on it's axis with all these bazillions of different lives going on everyday all at the same time. (What is the world population now anyway? Remember to add one more littletinyJuJu to that number.)

Is it any wonder that we lose track of people and friends who are no longer in our every day circle? It's enough to depress anybody. So what I propose is this, we're all in this together so let's all do whatever we can to help each other out. Otay, Buh-wheat? Otay ;-)