I'm concentrating on the "mask" thing and why I do it...
Possible reasons include:
* I get off on attention and I want people to think, "Gee, Linda's sure got it all together."
* I want people to think I'm unsinkable (Molly Brown? I included a link for youngsters who maybe never heard of Molly) I guess these are both tied together. But why do I do this? I dunno, I better work on this. Seems a little f***ed up to me...
* I love to make people happy and it seems I have this (rather arrogant) idea that if I "spread the cheer" somehow I am going to make a difference in someone's day. Is this f***ed up? Or is it just being thoughtful on my part?
This intropection thing is beginning to make me just a little bit nervous. I'm not sure now that I know myself as well as I thought I did. Hmmmn. What if I uncover this whole other person and I don't like what I find? I liked me the way I was.
I don't mean to give the impression that I wear a "mask" all of the time. I'm a pretty genuine kind of person. I really and truly care aboot other people. Part of the reason I'm having to struggle with this right now is because I'm focussing on me and that's not something I'm accustomed to. But I can't quit now. The more time I'm spending thinking, I keep getting the feeling that I'm on the verge of some kind of breakthrough that will make a difference. If I could just get over this feeling of being selfish while I'm doing it, I don't think it would be such a struggle for me. It seems to be connected to the avoidance thing. I've spent so much of my life looking outward maybe in an effort to avoid looking inward? But why? Another question that needs answering.
It's becoming obvious to me that I need to concentrate on just one thing, I'm getting too scattered and feeling a bit overwhelmed. Help with this would be appreciated.
So my daughter and her family are in for a major life change, in case you didn't know. Mr. JuJu has accepted a position in the Buffalo NY area and they have been preparing to relocate. I am a bit sad that they will be moving further away from me but that is way overshadowed by the fact that they will: a) be closer to Mr.'s family, b) will have a bigger house and c) Mr. will be able to spend less time travelling. So aside from that teeny downside, it's all looking wonderful. I myself have some family ties in that area. As they presently reside in Ohio, they are far from any family at all and that will be remedied. I'm totally thrilled for them.
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posted by One Wink at a Time at 10:47 AM
12 Comments:
Masks. Don't we all have them? I grew up in a family that, without stating it, believed in having a full set.
Family members cussed or didn't cuss, drank or didn't drink, etc., all based on the folks surrounding them. They also acted happy when everything was not hunk-dory, and swept lots of things under the rug.
I know a lot of people do this, and I was a bit shocked when I first found out that many people don't. I still do it, out of respect for others' beliefs and feelings, if nothing else. And to keep my child from saying something embarrassing.
I've learned to be more direct with people, but conflict avoidance still seems to be my forte. I'm working on it.
Hang in there, Wink.
hunky-dory
Mark: Ah! Conflict avoidance- thanks for bringing that up, it's one more reason I do what I do.
Simon: By golly, I believe I own that book but have never read it (I buy books like I buy music, bring 'em home and put 'em on a shlef for later.) If I remember, it has a way cool cover... I very well may just check that out. Thanks :-)
Can't wait to hear aboot Burn's Night... And no, I wasn't trying to cause trouble on your site...
Interesting W.V.: XPNSVGX
"Expensive Gicks?"
Hey Linda,
I definitely wear a mask every day of my life. It is just something I grew up doing to hide certain things, and I am not sure I know how to (fullY) survive without one.
Shame to say that 'out loud'.
Hmmm.
Anyway...be well,
♥
~d (Kennedy)
haha
~d: How nice of you to come over. It's a bit tamer here than what you're used to at Fab's ;-) Was cool to hear you and the kids on Fab's broadcast.
I have had The Invitation posted on my refrig for about 5 years now and I find myself reading it over and over again. Pretty much everytime I am in the kitchen, it helps.
A Mask is like a shield you don't enter to battle with out one or you will be slaughtered. WOW that was kind of graphic but it was the first thought that came to mind. Aren't being strong and appearing strong the same thing?
I think we all wear masks at one point or another. I think I am most myself with my husband and my children and I think for the rest of the world, I do have different masks. I'm not sure if it's me I am trying to protect or them.
Dana: HI!!! Glad to hear you. Thanks for reminding me to look for that. Maybe we can discuss it WHEN WE GET TOGETHER ;-)
TC: WOW is right, that was deep. (And graphic.) You always make me think. I'm offering you the position of Linda's therapist. All the beer you can drink until I'm cured.
The being strong thing? I would say yes, in some, but not all, incidences. Remind me, I think that would be a good post topic soon. Thanks for your insight.
K: I would enjoy reading a post you would write on this subject...
if you would consider it.
seems like wearing a mask around one's family seems to be a norm... i know i do it on occasion but try not to make a habit of it. i find that it's just easier to get into an argument and get it over with, instead of pretending... altho i used to do that a lot w/ my older sister. now, i don't speak to her, so i dont have to wear a mask any longer. seemed that when i took the mask off and was truthful w/ her, she didn't like it.
ppl wear masks here like crazy... no one likes to show others what is really going on. having spent so much time in tearing away the masks myself, i find it difficult to deal with.
Tooners: Hmm... I was under the impression that it was totally opposite, I'm less likely to "wear the mask" with family.
Sad that your sister couldn't face reality. She'll come around to your way of thinking one day, don't you think?
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