RELATING...
I have spent some time this past week talking to different people aboot how they relate to the opposite sex. Have gotten some very interesting replies. And extremely different answers depending on who I might be talking to. When I was getting too much dialogue to chronicle here, I narrowed down my question to this: "Imagine you are at a social event and meeting new people. How do you relate differently to meeting a man versus meeting a woman for the first time?" The most interesting reply I got entailed a description of how a man related to another man when meeting the first time. It went something like this: "When I shake another man's hand I am establishing my strength with him, showing him that basically, I am to be reckoned with, not to be messed with. Looking him straight in the eyes is another way to assert myself." This kind of reminded me of the way two dogs "sniff each other out"... This same man claims that the first time he meets a woman (and this is in my words, not his which were rather blunt) he basically is greeting her based on the possibility that he might, at some point, gain entry to a certain part of her attire. This creeped me out a little bit, but I guess it's just an illustration of how different people relate to the opposite sex.
I spoke to an Oriental gentleman (and I only mention this because I think that cultural differences definitely affect how people relate to each other) claimed that when meeting a person for the first time, regardless of gender, the occasion is all aboot honor and respect. The handshake is to be firm but not intimidating in any way. A man, out of respect, ONLY extends his hand to a woman if she makes the first move. He went on to explain the frustrations that men face when relating to a woman who is or is not "liberated," for example, worrying that he might insult a woman by offering to open a door or light her cigarette.
A woman I spoke with on the subject brought up an interesting point. She noted that before she was married she related to men in a whole different way. More openly, to be specific. Now that she is married, she's required to respond in a different, less forward manner.
After giving this a fair amount of thought I realize that this is a complicated subject and could be discussed for hours on end. I will write aboot it now and then. For now, I will wait and see if my Readers have any input to contribute... My own way of relating will take up a post in itself.
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I have spent some time this past week talking to different people aboot how they relate to the opposite sex. Have gotten some very interesting replies. And extremely different answers depending on who I might be talking to. When I was getting too much dialogue to chronicle here, I narrowed down my question to this: "Imagine you are at a social event and meeting new people. How do you relate differently to meeting a man versus meeting a woman for the first time?" The most interesting reply I got entailed a description of how a man related to another man when meeting the first time. It went something like this: "When I shake another man's hand I am establishing my strength with him, showing him that basically, I am to be reckoned with, not to be messed with. Looking him straight in the eyes is another way to assert myself." This kind of reminded me of the way two dogs "sniff each other out"... This same man claims that the first time he meets a woman (and this is in my words, not his which were rather blunt) he basically is greeting her based on the possibility that he might, at some point, gain entry to a certain part of her attire. This creeped me out a little bit, but I guess it's just an illustration of how different people relate to the opposite sex.I spoke to an Oriental gentleman (and I only mention this because I think that cultural differences definitely affect how people relate to each other) claimed that when meeting a person for the first time, regardless of gender, the occasion is all aboot honor and respect. The handshake is to be firm but not intimidating in any way. A man, out of respect, ONLY extends his hand to a woman if she makes the first move. He went on to explain the frustrations that men face when relating to a woman who is or is not "liberated," for example, worrying that he might insult a woman by offering to open a door or light her cigarette.
A woman I spoke with on the subject brought up an interesting point. She noted that before she was married she related to men in a whole different way. More openly, to be specific. Now that she is married, she's required to respond in a different, less forward manner.
After giving this a fair amount of thought I realize that this is a complicated subject and could be discussed for hours on end. I will write aboot it now and then. For now, I will wait and see if my Readers have any input to contribute... My own way of relating will take up a post in itself.
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posted by One Wink at a Time at 7:04 PM
9 Comments:
So what did you do, interview the locals at Chambers?
Kidding. Hope your Saturday is going well. We froze asses off at soccer and are now home, so maybe will catch you here.
relating to ppl is different in bahrain. as an expat and an american, i find that men tend to be pushovers, for the most part, but you have to be extremely careful because a LOT of men take you the wrong way if you're nice to them. i am always very professional when meeting men - be it in a relaxed or professional setting. females, on the other hand, can be rude at times but then also overly friendly. but it's much easier to be around females here, rather than men. also, if a man is religious here, they do not shake a woman's hand.. it's against the religion, basically. more high powered, open-minded men will shake a woman's hand. i tend to read alot into a person's handshake... but many aren't good in this part of the world - especially from women.
JU: Ha ha, no I dint. Just random people I encountered in the course of my day(s).
TOONERS: This is very interesting. I tend to have a little problem now and then with men misinterpretting my friendliness. Then I'm forced to resort to some song and dance to convince them otherwise. I resent that sometimes. For the most part, I am more comfortable with men. Once they know you're serious, they don't play the "games" with you that women often do. I think handshakes are an excellent indicator or character.
Great stuff here. I love that you interviewed people for this.
I'm mostly on par with Simon on this one (surprise, surprise, right?), right down to the observations about women interacting with each other. My wife's local mom's group has taught me that this doesn't change much with age and maturity.
When I was a young'un, however, I did learn that a feller should wait until a woman extends her hand. Otherwise, I meet and greet broads the same way I do dudes. (ya like the smooth transition between dialects?)
I admit that when I was younger, I tended to think that any pretty girl my age who was nice to me... well... must be interested in me. Not because I thought I was all that, mind you, but because I was thrilled at the idea and my imagination wanted to believe it. So, it's not always a guy being a jerk who does that. It's a shame, really, because women who are nice to all men, regardless of looks or coolness, unwittingly spawn these fawning admirers (was that redundant? Either that or it said the same thing twice.)
I've always admired a woman's ability to interpret friendliness as, well, friendliness. But, to some degree, I think the same wishful thinking applies to some women with low self-esteem, just as it does to some guys.
GUYS: I totally and thoroughly appreciate the time and thought you put into these comments. If you don't mind, I would like to use your answers (or parts thereof) for another post on the subject. That ok with the two of you???
SI ___ yep MARC ___ Nope
___ nah ___ Sure
Those were supposed to look more like this:
SI ____ yep ____ nah
Marc ____ Nope ____ sure
But I just realized you can't check the answers anyway.
Fergit it.
Of course. Use it at will (especially if you throw in a link to my blog). I'm only partially kidding about that last part. If it fits the format, fine, but if not, then leave out the link and use it anyway.
And, dude, it's Mark.
Um, so, I guess I made an assumption when I saw Simon's comment, then my comment, then your question to what I thought was us. I didn't even consider that Marc could be some other guy, not just your mangling of my name.
My apologies to the real Marc.
MARK: I am so SORRY!!! I had just watched news coverage of the floods in Houston and know a guy Marc who lives there and was hoping he was ok. Must have been a subconscious thing. You're in
Texas too, tell me the flooding didn't affect you.
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